Balancing Act
by Londoncalling89
Summary: What are the repercussions of Mrs. Hughes offering of a steadying hand to Mr. Carson? Will they both realize the beauty of life before it has passed them by? A story of lost balance and the hardships of getting it back.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So its been a while, a great while. But after the Christmas special I am renewed with Chelsie thoughts. Perhaps the ship has not left port quiet yet but thank God it's at least in the harbor! As always, I don't own them, and reviews are greatly appreciated.**

Mrs. Hughes wasn't sure how long they had stood in the water holding hands, starring serenely out at the ocean, it had seemed to her that the world was standing still. It was Mr. Carson who let go first, having subtly noticed that they were now the main entertainment on the beach. After Mrs. Patmore had spotted them in the waves the rest of the staff had taken notice and were quietly whispering between themselves.  
"I think I shall head back to dry land Mrs. Hughes, we should begin packing up if we plan to catch our train." He said with the slightest sadness in his voice as he let go of her hand.

"Of course Mr. Carson." She said still looking out at the waves. "Though if you don't mind I'll remain a minute."

He nodded politely and waded back to the shore. He turned once more to look at her, the sun radiating around her, more like a goddess upon the water then a mortal. His breath caught for a minute at the possibility, the idea of 'another way' they had so often discussed. But alas, it was not to be. They had chosen their lives carefully, and now as he drudged back to the others, the sand pulling him harshly back to reality, he knew 'another way' was simply a fantasy.

Mrs. Hughes had remained in the water a few more moments, but the calm she had been enjoying seemed to dissipate when he had dropped her hand. Though she had meant it was a steadying gesture for him, it was clear to her now he had had a great effect on her as well. As she looked at the waves she felt unbalanced somehow, something had changed, had altered and she briefly wondered if she would ever get her balance back.

Mrs. Hughes and Mrs. Patmore found themselves side by side on the train on the way back. Daisy and Ivy having fallen asleep across from them, they had begun to chat about the day.

"So Mrs. Hughes, do you care to tell me what was happening out in the water?" Mrs. Patmore asked, testing the waters herself.

"No, I don't care to." Mrs. Hughes said, disliking the way this conversation was now turning.

"Really, it seemed rather a sweet moment, I was hoping you could dispel that with the truth." Mrs. Patmore said, smiling to herself.

"If you must know, Mr. Carson was concerned about his balance and I offered him my hand. No great flirtation there." Mrs. Hughes said, pausing to gauge the cooks reaction. "Besides" she added "we are both getting on in years, a steadying hand can be a great comfort."

"Yes it can." Mrs. Patmore said. "I wonder if he'll have any trouble with his balance at home." She said with a giggle.

At that Mrs. Hughes caught the cooks eye and began to giggle herself at the absurdity of it all.

"I doubt that Mrs. Patmore, I'm sure Mr. Carson will be overly aware of his balance after that. He wouldn't be the perfect butler if he didn't."

"It seems he's always a butler first and a man second, if at all." Mrs. Patmore said, her giggles dying down and a sadness coming over her.

"I suppose we all feel that way really, I cant remember the last time I was consciously aware that I was a woman. Somehow I always feel the housekeeper, even at the sea I kept looking over to make sure everyone was alright, that Daisy and Ivy weren't fighting and Mr. Bates wasn't over tired. What I want to know is," she said leaning in close to the cook, "what silly thing will he pick a fight about when we return."

"Why would he ruin a perfect day by picking a fight?" Mrs. Patmore asked confused.

"Well it'll be the only way to show the staff we aren't a pair of love birds. I imagine he will say something very rude, get me very cross and we wont be speaking for several days." She paused, letting it sink in with the cook. "Besides, if we don't fall out everyone will be convinced we're mad for each other and Lady Mary will be planning a wedding before we know it." She said, trying hard to giggle, wishing to hide the hurt in her voice. She hadn't expected that speaking the reality would hurt so bitterly.

"And would it be the worst thing in the world to be married to him?" Mrs. Patmore asked.

"It would be, at least to be married to the butler. I think being married to a man might be nice, but alas he wont be simply a man until the day he dies. And for that matter I probably wont be a woman until I drop dead balancing my ledgers."

"Well isn't that a pleasant thought." Mrs. Patmore said, her voice laced with sarcasm.

"I think I'll close my eyes for a bit Mrs. Patmore. It will likely be the only rest I'll get for a few days." And with that Mrs. Hughes closed her eyes, not really tired just simply tired of speaking and tired of thinking of things that made her sad.

Mr. Carson had managed to overhear the whole conversation, having switched seats with James just after the train had departed. As he glanced out the window at the passing country side he began to mull over Mrs. Hughes words. Was he really just a butler and nothing more? Could he be something more? Never in his life had he felt the great pull to marry and have children but he had felt the pull to be a great man in a great house, and since he could not be lord of the manor he could at least be captain of the crew. But now…he wondered, had it all been for naught? Could the warm arms of a woman be sweeter then the sweat of the brow at the end of a long day. As he sat on the train sipping his tea he wondered what his life was for, what was all the hard work and money and security for in the end? Without a hand to help him balance was he lost? He didn't know, but he intended to find out.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: So if I'm honest I'm not really sure yet where all this is going but oh well…sometimes the best adventures have no destination in sight. As always reviews are greatly appreciated!**

Mr. Carson had been unusually quiet on the walk from the train station back to the house, Mrs. Hughes simply chalked it up to the exhaustion of the day, in fact most of the younger staff were barely able to drag their limbs back to the house it seemed. All in all the day had been a success, everyone had enjoyed themselves and while she was certain a fight with Mr. Carson was in the near future she was still delighting in the happiness of the day. Her hand still felt slightly tingly from holding onto him for so long. As she looked at his profile she couldn't help but giggle, he had wanted to go to the museum on such a beautiful day! Though on second thought she did recall how excited he had been by the idea of the museum. At that moment she decided that she would ask Lady Grantham to permit him an early half day so he could enjoy the museum, or perhaps several, before the party returned to York. Content with herself she straightened her gaze towards the sidewalk ahead of her.

Mr. Carson was feeling very irritated, in fact his annoyance was increasing with every step. How dare she say such things?! That he was a butler and not a man. To him, they had always been one in the same, a man can provide for himself and others if he chose, his life in service had given him financial freedom, success, all the things he had always wanted. All so intrinsically linked with his manhood. How could she make him feel so inadequate? She could probably retire within the week and happily go move on to another life but he couldn't. He was stuck, and perhaps he would never get himself unstuck. But why couldn't he be a man while also being a stuck butler?

By the time they reached the house the swell of anger in him had almost hit its limit. She had noted in him a distinct change in his strides, he was angry, about what she could not discern. Probably anger over his own vulnerability or perhaps her outlandish behavior, what ever it was it would certainly be the flint for a fine fight indeed. But Mr. Carson surprised her, when they returned to the house he had left quickly and gone upstairs. A while later she saw him head up towards the servants quarters and decided to approach Lady Grantham.

She had found both her employers in the library and cautiously approached, knowing full well she was pushing the boards of their generosity.

"Hello Mrs. Hughes," Lady Grantham said, "How was the day at the beach? Carson reports all smiles."

"Yes, it was lovely m'lady. I think the entire staff had a grand time. Expect…" she faltered here, perhaps this really was being too pushy.

"Yes Mrs. Hughes, was someone unhappy with the trip?" Lady Grantham said getting a bit concerned.

"No, not at all. It simply, Mr. Carson had originally suggested, in fact rallied rather hard for a trip to the museum. Which you can easily understand did not receive much support from the younger staff. And while Mr. Carson did have an enjoyable time at the seaside, I believe he would very much like to visit a few London museums before the return to York."

"Well that isn't a surprise," Lord Grantham added. "London has the worlds best museums."

"Indeed it does," Mrs. Hughes agreed "however Mr. Carson has no free time available until after our return. I was hoping, if it would not upset anyone to allow Mr. Carson a half day before we leave so he might enjoy the sights a bit. I of course would remain in the house and could easily handle any issues that might arise in his absence." She said, her plea sounding a bit more desperate then she had anticipated.

"Well Mrs. Hughes, while that is a very reasonable and lovely request we have already given Mr. Carson the rest of today off. He came in here a short while ago asking if he could advance a half day for the rest of today, and seeing as how the day is almost done and we will be out for the evening we indulged him." Lady Grantham said.

Mrs. Hughes was a bit taken aback, she would have thought Mr. Carson would have mentioned such a thing to her.

"Oh well, I suppose I've bothered you for no reason. I'm sorry m'lady." Mrs. Hughes said, trying to make her escape now that she had embarrassed herself fully.

"I'm rather surprised he hadn't told you." Lord Grantham said.

"Well I have been in my sitting room working on accounts since we've returned, likely he didn't want to disturbed me." She lied, she hated doing it, especially to her employers but she lied. She wanted so desperately to save face and a lie and a retreat now seemed her only options. "If fact I must really be getting back downstairs. Thank you for your time." She said and began her descent back downstairs. She vaguely heard niceties from Lord and Lady Grantham as she left the room, but the only things her mind could entertain were ideas of why Mr. Carson had not mentioned anything to her. Was he upset with her?

When she returned downstairs she found Mr. Carson in his pantry putting on his evening coat. She noted he had changed into a much more becoming suit, and put on a scent Mrs. Hughes could only imagine was a rather expensive cologne.

"Are you leaving Mr. Carson? We've only just returned." She said, laughing slightly to hide her concern at his unusual behavior.

"Well Mrs. Hughes, though its hardly your business I am heading out. His lordship has generously given me the rest of the evening off and I intend to enjoy myself." He said, examining his appearance in the mirror and checking his pocket watch.

"Did you not enjoy the seaside?" She said, slowly moving closer to him, in a vain hope he might lower his voice and speak something private to her.

"The seaside is not a place a simple butler would enjoy. Good evening." He said tipping his hat and exiting.

Mrs. Hughes stood back, rather shocked by the whole exchange. Had he not enjoyed holding her hand? She had felt something between them, silly as it had been. She knew full well he did not have any romantic inclination towards her, that would be beyond the bounds of his life. But still, what would cause him to act thusly?

Mrs. Hughes turned quickly and rounded the corner to run right into Mrs. Patmore.

"Oh goodness me, I'm sorry Mrs. Patmore, I didn't see you there."

"It's alright Mrs. Hughes, I'll admit I had concealed myself a bit." She admitted.

"Mrs. Patmore, do you suppose Mr. Carson heard us on the train? I thought he had been sitting farther back but... Well it's the only explanation I can think of."

"By the smell of him Mrs. Hughes, I think he did."

Mr. Carson returned to the house several hours later, most of the staff had long since gone to bed.

As he sat in his office, looking over the neglected ledgers he considered his evening. It had been enjoyable, he had attained his goal, he now felt like a strong, virile man, however much to his dismay the effects were quickly disappearing as he looked at the ledgers. In fact, as he glanced around the room he felt his humanness, the primal feelings the evening had awarded him melting away and the harsh reality of an enslaved life return.

Closing his eyes he tried to hold on to any shreds of humanity he could when suddenly there was a light knock.

"I was wondering when you would get in." She said softly from the doorframe, a cup of tea held tightly in her hand, the ends of her nightdress and robe brushing the ground as she moved into the room towards him.

"You needn't have waited for me Mrs. Hughes," he said in a manor harsher then he had intended, at her slight recoil he added, "I'm a big boy." And with that he giggled slightly as he stood up to leave.

That action however would prove the fatal blow, for as he stood up a rush of air came off him and waded towards Mrs. Hughes. She was suddenly engulfed in the faded scent of his cologne and an over powering additional scent, a feminine one. She recognized it at once as one of the cheap perfumes sold in cheapest shops in London.

He looked at her, seeing the recognition and understanding in her eyes. They squared off for a moment, neither daring to make the first move.

Finally he spoke as he saw the tears beginning to form in the corners of her eyes.

"I'm rather tired Mrs. Hughes, I think I will head to bed." He said, still not moving.

"I imagine you are tired Mr. Carson, I will leave you to your bed." She said, allowing all her unbridled anger to come behind the word your. "And a piece of advice Mr. Carson, scrub the lipstick off your neck before you go to bed, or else tomorrow everyone will know your secret." And with that she left his pantry and hurried up the stairs to her cold bed.


	3. Chapter 3

Mrs. Hughes was late to breakfast the next morning, and while she had maintained a fine figure during her lifetime she was not one known to miss a meal. Finally fifteen minutes past the start of the meal she arrived. She greeted the staff with her usual 'good morning' though she intentionally did not look at Mr. Carson.

He glanced over at her several times but each time her eyes were focused squarely on the food in front of her. He let out a frustrated breath and noticed her eyes lift slightly but not high enough to make contact with his.

She really didn't have a right to be mad at him, he thought to himself. It's not as if they were married, or even courting. She had no power over him and his body and like wise he had none over her. He had not complained those times he had gone to the washroom for his bath and heard her inside pleasuring herself. He had not been upset with her and refused even basic communication. But perhaps that was different he thought. He had gone to seek comfort from another body, she merely comforted herself. All these thoughts were getting him distracted from the day and without notice or words to the staff he got up and exited the room.

She heard his pantry door shut and looked up at the staff. All eyes were focused on her, waiting tensely for her reaction. Missing nary a beat she fortified herself and said "alright, breakfast is almost over. Ladies please see me in my sitting room when you are finished for your chores today, we've a lot to do before we return to Downton." With that she gracefully got up and excited, walking quickly past his pantry hoping no one had noticed the redness of her eyes.

The day past slowly and excruciatingly for Mr. Carson, just after lunch he had decided what a complete idiot he was. He had been hurt by her words and instead of simply letting it go he had gone out and done something stupid and hurt her more. To add insult to injury his pocket book was now significantly lighter as a result. He decided he needed to apologize, nothing was worth upsetting her, especially his own feelings. Briefly he contemplated what that meant, that he would place her feelings above his own any day, that she could inflict the most painful of wounds on him and he would hardly complain, but the idea of causing her even the slightest unhappiness made him physically ill.

She had done a good job of avoiding him. Most of her day had been spent upstairs following around maids and attempting to look busy in the company of several people as to not even give him the opportunity to catch her alone. He was becoming none to impressed with her antics and upon entering her sitting room to deposit an invoice for her he noted just how far behind in her ledgers she was. Likely she would be up most of the night trying to finish them in time. Stubborn woman he thought.

At a quarter to 11 he knocked on her door, having given her ample time she had finally come downstairs to get the bulk of her work done. There was no answer. A moment later he knocked again, slightly more insistent.

"Mrs. Hughes? I need to speak with you."

Finally a voice from inside rang out. "I'm afraid I've no time tonight Mr. Carson, it will have to be tomorrow."

He paused for a moment startled. She had never refused him entry, not in the twenty years they had worked together.

"Mrs. Hughes, I must insist-" he began though stoping when the door swung wide open and she stood before him, her eyes puffiness betraying the neutral expression on her face.

"No Mr. Carson, I must insist. I've no time to speak with you, goodnight." With that she slammed the door closed and the resounding click of the lock filled the servants hall.

At three am he finally decided to go down to his pantry and retrieve his bottle of whiskey he had hid in his desk drawer. He kept it there only for emergencies but that evening was beginning to feel like one, or rather the morning. He hadn't even bothered undressing into his night clothes. Instead he had simply laid on his bed, still in his livery looking up at the ceiling trying to work it all out in his mind. But the more he thought about her actions, about their hands holding onto one another's the more his mind became baffled. He was not used to dealing with emotions, they had little play in his world but now he was confronted with matters of the heart. As he walked down the servants hall he noticed the light in her room on.

"Mrs. Hughes?" He called, pushing the slightly ajar door completely open. She turned slowly towards him, the heft of her eye lids playing across her face.

"What are you doing up Mr. Carson?" She asked looking at him, her exhaustion had taken away her harshness, at this early hour little of the previous days annoyances seemed to matter.

"I could ask you the same thing. I found myself unable to sleep."

"Ah, well perhaps you should have changed into your pajamas, I highly doubt a livery is conductive to sleep." She said with a slight giggle.

"Yes well, I didn't feel much like doing anything this evening. I'm feeling a bit out of sorts."

At the word _feeling_ the memories of the previous day rushed to her, and though she was certain it was not in the air, the fragrance of the whore suddenly rushed into her groggy nostrils.

"Yes well, I'm just finishing my paperwork. I'll be going up in a few minutes." She said, straightening her back, wishing desperately she'd removed her corset hours ago.

"You wouldn't need to be up so late doing your paperwork if you hadn't spent all day avoiding me." He said, matter of factly.

"I was not avoid you all day." She said with a slight snort of indignation.

"Mrs. Hughes, we have worked together for over twenty years and while I might not be the most intelligent man _you_ have ever met, I am smart enough to know when you've been avoiding me." He said, taking a seat uninvited on the chair across from her.

"If you have come to just make accusations Mr. Carson you may leave. I have plenty of work to do on these ledgers which did not get done today because I was busy preparing for our return to Downtown. Which, though it might have escaped your notice as you've been about prancing with women, takes a great deal of work."

"How dare you accuse me of prancing about! I know better then anyone the amount of work it takes to move a household."

"What did you do last night?" She asked him point blank. The steeled look on her face daring him to tell the truth.

"Nothing you would understand Mrs. Hughes, as I so obviously am a serving machine, a blundering butler incapable of any human emotions." He said instantly wishing he had not just revealed his eavesdropping but finding it had become necessary.

She hesitated, and her face softened slightly. "Mr. Carson, I wish you had not overheard that-"

"But you don't regret saying it." He countered, one eye brow raised slightly.

"You misunderstand what I said, its not that-"

"No Mrs. Hughes, I understand perfectly well. I am a great towering butler who is little more then a eunuch. I hadn't really ever thought about it until one of my closest friends so gracefully pointed it out, though of course not to my face, behind my back rather. At the conclusion of what I had considered to be an enjoyable outing, in which I had made the great and grievous error of letting my guard down for just a moment, I find that I have been deconstructed into little more then a machine bereft of any feeling or masculinity. Well excuse me if that stirs some rather upsetting…" He hesitated looking for the right word.

"I would never mean to hurt you Mr. Carson, truly, I just-"

"No, no Mrs. Hughes, I'd rather not hear it. I know perhaps what I did last night was wrong but I am a man, I have always been a man and I will always be a man. Last night I reclaimed one of the more base aspects of my gender but none the less I did. I'm sorry if that offended you so dramatically but frankly at the end of the day we are both just human beings. I have never forgotten that you are simply a woman." Anger was now pouring from him, he was almost exhaling fire.

"Mr. Carson," She said, regaining her footing and her anger. "This is not an proper conversation to be having-" as she stood up to ask him to leave he cut her off again.

"Is it proper to pleasure yourself in the bath in the middle of the afternoon!?" He asked, rising from his seat.

With that she slapped him hard across the face, so hard her hand was tingling and he could feel the bruises forming.

"I could have you fired for that." He said.

"Be my bloody guest." She said walking out the door, turning just before she exited. "I don't know what has happened Mr. Carson, somehow holding hands has completely unbalanced the world but from this moment on we shall not spend a minute more together then is absolutely necessary, and if you dare speak one word to me more then is absolutely needed for the continued efficient running of this household you shall find the back of my hand across your cheek again!"


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: So this is chapter 4 and is being updated rather soon after chapter 3, so if you haven't read chapter 3 please do as none of this will make sense without it. Thank you all so much for the reviews and PM's, they really do keep me writing and help motivate me to write quickly. Enjoy, also I promise at this point, though we are getting very angsty and sad here that this story will have a happy ending, so hang in there!**

Mr. Carson had tried to rectify things initially once they had returned to Downton. On their second night back the family had indulged in Mrs. Hughes favorite wine. Mr. Carson had eagerly stood by the side board, watching carefully and hesitating more then normal before refilling anyone's glass. He desperately wanted to have some left over to take to Mrs. Hughes, a peace offering of sorts he knew she would appreciate. Besides, in his mind she had now had plenty of time to cool off and see the absurdity of their fight.

After the meal was finished Lord Grantham got up and began to exit the dining room.

"M'lord, would you like any more wine tonight? Or perhaps something stronger?" Mr. Carson asked, fully out of place but hoping his employer would dismiss the unusualness of his question.

"Mmm, well Carson, I think I am in fact done with the wine for the right. I'll go fix myself a sherry."

With that the rest of the family followed and Mr. Carson took hold of the still half full wine decanter and walked downstairs as the footmen followed behind with the dishes.

Quietly and without conversation to anyone Mr. Carson went into his pantry, he retrieved one of the old serving platters the family had generously given to him after a scratch caused by a clumsy footmen had resulted in the platter now longer being fit for presentation. Placing his two best wine goblets on the tray and the wine he walked down the hall towards her sitting room. Knowing he had precious little time to enjoy the wine now he placed it on the ground below the door and knocked briskly then turned and returned upstairs to his work.

She knew that knock anywhere, ant noting the time of day she knew it must be important as he would certainly still be in the middle of the evening service. She quickly got up and went to her door opening it without hesitation to discover no one was there. She poked her head into the hallway in time to see his tails turn the corner and head upstairs.

"Look down." Mrs. Patmore said from her vantage point at the kitchen doorway.

Mrs. Hughes looked down to discover the wine. She gasped slightly and looked up at Mrs. Patmore again with a look of confusion on her face.

"It seems he's ready to stop fighting, sweet man." Mrs. Patmore said with a smile.

"You would not call him sweet, Mrs. Patmore, had you heard what he said." Mrs. Hughes countered, finding herself rather annoyed at the cooks brazenness.

"Yes well, I imagine we all say stupid things when we are upset. Besides he did have a point, and you must forgive him eventually." Mrs. Patmore said, hoping to be the voice of logic in the world.

"Do not presume to tell me what I _must _do. I don't have to do a bloody thing if I don't want to. And the idea that all will be forgotten because he left a half full decanter of wine at my doorstep is ridiculous, even for him!" With that she picked up the platter and marched back to his pantry, pushing the door open with her foot and enjoying the crash it gave as it hit the wall she placed the wine on desk. As she began to leave she noted the bottle, it was her favorite. The full reality of his gesture hit her, that he had brought her not just any wine but her favorite wine. He cared for her enough to know what she liked and what she didn't, and though the peace offering had been simple it had been heartfelt. Guilt began to swell inside her but Mrs. Patmore had already seen her bring the wine in, along with a few other members of staff. It would only fuel gossip to take the wine back into her sitting room. So cutting herself off from emotion and thought she returned to her sitting room, slamming her own door behind her.

It was a few hours later when Mr. Carson was finally dismissed for the night as the family headed to bed. He came gingerly into the servants hall hoping a glass of wine and forgiveness were awaiting him. As he passed Mrs. Patmore on his way to his office she gave him a sad smile of apology and walked by heading to bed herself. He was confused slightly by her expression until he went into his pantry and found the wine. His heart sunk and the reaility of the lasting damage that had been caused fully hit him. He had tried, by God he had tried but she had stopped him in his tracks. He sat down at his desk, poured one of the glasses of wine and sipped it slowly. He sat looking at the other glass, the emptiness next to him that should have been filled by someone he cared about but wasn't, and it likely never would be. With purpose he pushed the glass off the desk and listened to it shatter into thousands of unfixable pieces.

The next several months passed painfully for the two heads of staff. True to her word they had spoken only of household matters and only when Anna or Mr. Bates were not around to relay messages. After a month or so of being the go betweens for Mr. Carson and Mrs. Hughes, Anna and Mr. Bates had learned the art of hiding and avoiding the heads of staff at all cost.

Meal times which had once been happy affairs were now quiet and dignified. Mr. Carson would look around at the staff every other bite to ensure they were all on their best behavior and Mrs. Hughes would look solely at her food, if she found she needed a break from examining the stews in front of her she would focus her gaze directly across from her on whatever poor soul had come last and been given the "hot" seat as the staff now referred to it.

Finally the straw broke one afternoon and nothing at Downton would be the same again.

Mrs. Hughes was walking down the back hallway stairs with her arms over flowing with the laundry from the guest rooms. Two of the maids had been taken sick with the flu and Mrs. Hughes now found herself in the position of a laundry woman, spending her whole day lugging linens around the house. This was her final trip to the laundry and she was glad of it, her body was worth out and all she wanted a that moment was a nice cup of tea. As she neared the bottom Mr. Carson rounded the corner and began to ascend the stairs, hesitating slightly seeing the load in Mrs. Hughes arms.

"Would you like a hand?" He offered.

"No thank you Mr. Carson, I can manage." She said indignantly, pulling the load slightly higher in her arms, however this proved to be a grave mistake for as the linens moved slightly the corner of a bed sheet hit the floor, the next moment she stepped on the rough corner and the tension between her foot on the sheet and the load in her arms seemed to great as she lost her balance and began to fall forward. Mr. Carson, seeing the housekeeper lose her footing positioned himself in front of her in hopes of catching her, but the momentum with which was she moving was too great and she ended up pushing him backwards as they both hit the ground with a resounding thud.

Mr. Carson's whole body hurt, as he had both impacted the concrete floor and also absorbed Mrs. Hughes fall, her delicate body landing squarely on his own. They both lay their for a moment starring at each other, neither daring to say a word.

Mrs. Hughes gazed into Mr. Carson's eyes and all the anger of the past months had dissolved, suddenly she became acutely aware of both their labored breaths, the faint smell of his after shave and the strength of his warm hands still on her arms where he had tried to catch with. And without any thought to the consequences she pushed her lips to his.

He had not been anticipating her actions, but was pleasantly surprised, pushing his lips back against hers with a mild hesitation, then open passion. It was a kiss he had never realized he wanted so badly. But at this moment, with this creature on top of him his blood was boiling, he was filling with a desire he had only ever mimicked in pale comparison before. His torrid nights with whores had none of the passion or desire he felt now. And when his lips went soft and he tried to pull back, to look at her, to say something, to fix them all somehow she merely surged forward to capture his lips again.

She'd dreamed of this moment, secretly of course, almost subconsciously, for she knew full well that this could never be. This moment of passion and longing between them could never actually happen. It would be too dangerous by half. But alas she could not help herself she kept kissing him, moving up his body, placing her hands on the sides of his face, parting her lips slightly and pushing her eager tongue towards him. The heat, the passion, became too much and she pulled back to breath looking in his face, his mouth slightly open panting. As usual his expression gave nothing away but her's did. It showed a longing and a bitter resignation that they had finally kissed as they had always been meant to kiss. As she moved her body slightly along his she felt something press against her thigh. Though she had not encountered that particular part of a man in several decades she knew well enough what it was. Her eyes widened in realization of where they were and the implications of her actions. Disgusted with herself she pulled away to move off of him. He grabbed her arm, trying to hold her still, to say something, to fix it now. To stop her retreat back to her cave where nothing would ever be solved.

She looked into his eyes, saw the panic in them and without even thinking brought her free arm up and struck him across the face. It was wrong and she knew it, and the second after she touched his cheek she regretted it so fiercely she began to cry.

"Mr. Carson-" She began, her voice trembling.

"God damnit woman, God damn you!" He said, yelling pushing her off him and stomping back to his pantry.

He slammed the door behind him and paced frantically in the room. His anger was exploding. Once again they had shared a beautiful moment and she had ruined it between them. He knew what he wanted, deep down he knew it was her, only her he ever wanted but she pushed him. She pushed him towards her, then she pushed him away from her. He pushed the papers off his desk in a rage, he picked up the wine decanter and smashed it on the ground. He picked up his favorite goblet, the one whose mate had been shattered months ago and threw it at the door, watching the glass shards explode across the room. He felt a pain inside him he thought would never cease, then he felt a tingle in his right arm, then a searing pain in his chest unlike any he'd ever felt, his breathing became shallow and difficult, he reached the door and opened it just in time to collapse into the frame.


	5. Chapter 5

"It wasn't a heart attack." Dr. Clarkson said, sitting in a hospital chair next to Mr. Carson's beside.

"But that doesn't mean it wont be next time, Mr. Carson." The doctor paused here to let the truth of his words sink in. All Mr. Carson could think about was how over dramatic the doctor could be when he wanted to be.

"I know it wont be easy, especially considering your profession but you must take it easier. You must eat better and get more sleep. You are not a young man anymore! How many hours of sleep do you get a night?"

Mr. Carson hesitated for a moment thinking, "Maybe four, five if I'm lucky."

"Well that must change, you need eight hours a night no exception. And along those lines you cannot lift anything more then twenty pounds, you really must try to take it easy."

"What about retirement?" Mr. Carson asked.

The doctor looked confused, surely the great butler of Downton Abbey was considering retirement.

"Well, retirement would be a good alternative. Are you actually considering it?"

"Well," Mr. Carson began slowly, "I hadn't before, to be honest I've always assumed I would die in the saddle, but the last few months well. Its been on my mind more and more, perhaps this is the excuse I need to finally make the change."

"My my, Mr. Carson, I believe I may have gotten through to you if you are actually considering making a change. Though, my only concern would be that if you are to retire and live alone no one would be there to help if another attack were to occur. It would be best to find someone to live with."

"Yes well, I don't have anyone to live with. It will just be me I'm afraid." Mr. Carson said with a pang of sorrowful resignation in his voice.

"What about Mrs. Hughes? She must be getting towards the retiring age and-"

"Mrs. Hughes has no place in this conversation Dr. Clarkson. I will be living by myself and that is final. And if I happen to have another attack alone then so be it, besides it might be nice the next time around to just be done with it all then to have these damn young children trying to save my life again. There comes a point Dr. Clarkson when you decide its not bloody worth it anymore!"

And with that Mr. Carson jumped up out of the hospital bed and began dressing. As he headed towards the door he heard Dr. Clarkson shouting at him to return to bed and rest but his path was already set. It was time to get away from the misery of Downton. From the Scottish temptress hell bent on killing him. It was time to find some peace and quiet away from his feelings and his regrets.

A week later they had his leaving party. The staff had gathered around the staff table and raised a glass in cheer to Mr. Carson.

As he stood around looking at the people he had spent the majority of life with he noticed one person was missing. He tried not to let it bother him at first, she had work to do. In fact a great deal of work to do now that Mr. Barrow had taken over. During Mrs. Hughes scare with cancer he had taken on some of her duties in a humble attempt to lighten her load. When she had been feeling herself again he had refused to return them, saying he rather enjoyed doing something different occasionally. She hadn't fought him hard, he wanted to take care of her, in any way he could and it was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for her. But now suddenly those extra duties had been moved back onto her plate. By the time the cake was passed around Mr. Carson could take it no more, nodding politely to those around him he left to find her.

He needn't have looked hard for as usual she was in her sitting room, sitting at her desk pouring over ledgers.

He knocked softly, "Can you believe the day has come?"

She turned to look at him. "No, I'm afraid I cant Mr. Carson. Who would have thought you would be moving forward into new adventures and I'd still be here writing ledgers. Life can sure be funny sometimes."

They both chuckled softly. "I don't know how many adventures I'll be having." He said softly.

"Well I'm sure soon you will be quite the modern man." She said.

"I doubt that Mrs. Hughes, I doubt that greatly. Besides no matter what I do I don't I could ever top that electric toaster of yours." He said, finally feeling at ease around her. She smiled to herself at the memories, the look of horror on his face, and all because of a little toaster. Some days she'd been tempted to pick it up and run towards him with it just to see him panic and flee.

"Mrs. Hughes, there is quite a party going on out here, and an excellent cake, should you desire a break from your work." He said moving into the room a few feet, trying to ignore the half empty bottle of whiskey on her desk.

"That sounds lovely Mr. Carson but alas I'm afraid I've too much to do. While Mr. Barrows penmanship is quiet impressive his mathematical skills are much less so. I'll be up most of the night trying to fix this." And with that the moment of memories was gone and she turned back to her ledgers.

"Ah, yes of course." He couldn't help but sound dejected. Things had been bad between them lately but he certainly didn't want to leave it that way.

She felt guilty, her tone hadn't been the nicest. Perhaps their relationship hadn't been perfect as of late, and certainly he guilt over almost killing him was overwhelming. She turned finally to face him and her breath caught at the sight of his worn and defeated face.

"I'm sorry Mr. Carson, I truly am. If I had the time I would go to the party but, well you understand. Things must be done. But I will be there to see you off tomorrow." With that she gave him a sympathetic smile, which slowly he returned to her.

"Well then that must do." He said, with that he nodded and left.

She sat looking at her ledgers, the scribbles suddenly made no sense to her at all. Because of these silly lines she had hurt him once again. It seemed lately no matter what she did she caused him injury. Perhaps it was merely time to let him go his own way and resign herself to the reality, that it simply was never meant to be.

The next morning she got up early and despite her resignation at the state of their relationship she prettied herself up more then normal. She had put extra effort into her hair, doing it and redoing it several times and adding in the hair pin he had gotten her several Christmas ago. She had chosen to wear his favorite dress, though of course he had never said something as bold as to say which was his favorite she could tell. Whenever she wore it, no matter how many times he always made a point of telling her how good she looked.

She came down the stairs with an extra spring in her step, nerves of course at the prospect of saying goodbye to her best friend but also a hope that perhaps he would notice the little gestures, the extra effort she had put in and understand deep down how much she cared for her. Rounding the corner she saw Mrs. Patmore sitting in the servants hall weeping softly.

"There there Mrs. Patmore, we've still got two hours until we have to say goodbye to Mr. Carson, and besides he's only moving to a cottage on the other side of the estate, I'm sure we will see him. Especially when he runs out of things to cook, can you…" but her voice trailed off as she noticed her words having little effect on the cook.

"He's already left Mrs. Hughes. He left almost two hours ago, came downstairs with his case. Said his goodbyes and left."

"I missed him?" Mrs. Hughes said in complete shock, tears beginning to form in her eyes and her body going limp.

"I'm afraid so." The cook said, getting up and moving past her back towards the kitchen.

"I missed him." She said, sitting down gently at his spot on at the table, hoping something might fill the void he'd left.


	6. Chapter 6

"Damnit!" Mrs. Hughes shouted as she slammed her ledgers onto her desk and began pacing about her sitting room. Mrs. Patmore stood silently in the hallway listening to the noises within the locked door, trying to discern the safest time to knock and try to calm the dragon.

And she had certainly become a dragon. In the month after Mr. Carson left Mrs. Hughes had fired two maids, berated one into quitting and managed to alienate herself from almost the entire staff. Even the smug Mr. Barrow thought twice before speaking with Mrs. Hughes, however being the new butler he was obliged to speak to her more often then he cared to.

Mrs. Hughes continued pacing around the room trying to calm herself, she was fairly certain she would soon ware a path into the stone below her feet. Everything had been going wrong, terribly wrong since Mr. Carson had left. They had yet to have a single order come in correctly, forcing Mrs. Hughes to enjoy her half days by going to town to yell at local merchants, one of which had had the gall to tell her he no longer felt comfortable supplying Downton Abbey. She had returned that day to discover one of the new maids had taken the white linens out of the laundry and stopped in the kitchen on her way back upstairs with them only to set them on the ground in perfect position for Daisy to trip with the berry pie mixture and ruining all of the linens. The maid that left that evening. Mr. Barrow was also proving to be a right treat for Mrs. Hughes, at every turn he was making decisions without consulting her, a thing Mr. Carson would never had dared do. They had always run the house together, a team but now she found herself swimming against the tides at every turn. Finally she plopped herself down in her chair and shut her eyes.

Mr. Carson, she couldn't help but wonder, what was he doing? Was he enjoying retirement? Was he missing her? As she felt tears beginning to form she pushed them back, crying over him again would not help. Nothing would be fixed and no good could come from them. But perhaps some good could come from a walk outside.

Mrs. Hughes opened her sitting room door just in time to find Mrs. Patmore about to knock. "Whatever it is Mrs. Patmore will have to wait, I'm going out for some air."

"Ah, well that sounds like a splendid idea." There was a slight pause as neither woman moved. "Would you like some company?" The cook said timidly, testing the waters of her friends temperament.

"No thank you, I'm hardly good company these days, even to myself. I think some quiet solitude would be nice." Mrs. Hughes said, calming herself greatly, it was nice to know she still had a friend in the house despite her dragon like tendencies of late.

"Well have a good time. We will try not to burn the house down while you are gone." The cook said with a giggle.

"I think I might prefer if you did." Mrs. Hughes said, her face lighting up with mirth, more so then it had in a great while.

With that Mrs. Hughes exited and made her way to the lake ready to leave her cares at the door, and silently hoping the house would be in cinders when she returned.

Mr. Carson hated retirement. Absolutely, and unconditionally. There was no bright spot in it to be found at all. Every morning he would get up at 5am, no matter how hard he tried it was a habit he could not break. He would make himself a simple breakfast of eggs and bacon and tea. After a month he had gotten much better at breaking the eggs and very rarely had bits of shell in the eggs, he had still not mastered the art of frying bacon but he was getting used to the taste of thoroughly burnt food. In fact he was becoming quite a master of burned food.

The early morning was spent reading the paper, which if he was honest with himself was frightfully boring. He could go several days without seeing anyone so why should be care if some socialite had been at a certain party? He usually made himself a light lunch, sandwiches required little effort and lacked the burning taste the rest of his meals had acquired.

The afternoons were spent in his little garden, where he enjoyed playing in the dirt, weeding and nurturing the plants, however his old knees were acting up and on several occasions he had gotten down onto the ground just fine but found himself unable to get up. He had had to place a strategic bucket near the garden to help pull himself up should the need arise.

His Lordship had given Mr. Carson the runt of Issi's last litter, and he had greatly enjoyed having a pet for the first few hours. But before the sun had set on their first day together the pup had managed to pee and poop in the living room at the same moment, sending Mr. Carson into a horrified state, then she had managed to eat part of his dinner as he cleaned up and to top things off the pup had decided she was the larger of the two living in the cottage and decided to take up the majority of Mr. Carsons large bed.

He was going crazy, slowly but surly crazy. Retired life was going to kill him if he didn't do something, and soon. Deciding he was a bit tired of staying at the cottage by himself he ventured out to Downton. It would be his first visit since he had left, he was slightly worried about how Mrs. Hughes would react to seeing him. Surely she had not appreciated his leaving so early in the day and not saying goodbye but he had known that neither of them could say goodbye. It would be too painful, emotions would be brought back up to the surface and he feared that should that happen something would have to give. They would have to admit their feelings and deal with them and he was afraid, more frightened then he had been in his entire life, that things could be ruined forever. The way he looked at it purgatory was a kinder place then hell.

When Mr. Carson had arrived at Downton everyone was happy to see him. Even Mr. Barrow looked relieved, hugging the older gentlemen and giving him a quick description of the goings on of downstairs. Mr. Carson would never forget the fear in Mr. Barrows eyes when he described the condition of the Scottish Dragon, earnestly pleading with the man to do whatever he could to make Mrs. Hughes happy again.

Mrs. Patmore had also caught Mr. Carson in a hug, something he was not all too sure he was comfortable with. But Mrs. Patmore, being who she was quickly gave him a smack at the arm for his leaving and told him he had many apologies to be dishing out to the staff.

"Where is Mrs. Hughes?" He asked seeing her no where around, "I hear things have not been well."

"Mr. Carson, I think that might be the understatement of the year. She left about an hour ago to go for a walk. She's been in a right state since you left. I know its you whose got the heart issues but I'm afraid she might give herself a heart attack."

Mr. Carson quickly made said his goodbyes, promising the staff he would come by more often and set out to find her.

She was upset, and he knew he was the cause. He would do something to make it right, even if it meant confessing his love. Even if it meant ruining their friendship, he could not bear to hear that she was unhappy, that the life and joy had gone from her eyes. Walking towards the lake he saw her, her feet dangling off the edge of the dock, her arms leaned back to support her, her long tresses freed from their pins and cascading down her back. She looked a vision of loveliness, at least from the back. When he stepped on the wooden dock the noise gave him away and she turned sharply, a look of anger on her face that melted instantly at the sight of him. Now as he looked at her, her soft features glowing, her happiness at seeing him, the weary look in her eyes he knew before him was the most beautiful creature in all the world.


	7. Chapter 7

She turned her face back to look at the lake, she didn't want him to see the puffiness under her eyes. Didn't want him to know how much she hurt, didn't want him to know that he had caused it.

"Mrs. Patmore told me you'd gone for a walk." He said quietly, continuing his slow steps towards her.

"How did you find me?" She said still looking straight ahead.

"Sometimes Mrs. Hughes, I find that you know me better then I know myself, and I think that goes both ways." With that he sat down beside her, he slowly took his shoes off, then removed his socks and let his feet dip into the cool water of the lake. He looked down at his feet and saw hers right next to his, and he couldn't help but smile. Side by side, that was how they were supposed to be.

"Are you enjoying retirement Mr. Carson?" She finally asked after a lengthy silence.

"Oh lovely, I get to sleep as much as I want, do whatever I want. I am the king of my castle." He said attempting to sound happy.

"I'm happy for you then Mr. Carson." She said with a hint of resignation, he seemed to be fairing just fine without her, after this afternoon he would return to his lovely cottage and she would return to her unhappy life.

"I'm lying of course Mrs. Hughes, I hate retirement." He said shaking his head.

"Really? I think it would be lovely to sleep as late as you'd like, nap whnever you fancy."

"It would be, however my body awakes at 5am every day, no matter what I do. And napping, well forget it. Once the puppy is awake I can forget about napping, besides I used to take afternoon naps in my pantry all the time." He looked a bit embarrassed at his own confession and her resulting gasp.

"Is that what you did every afternoon when you said you couldn't be distributed during your paperwork. You cheeky-" she said with a smile, him cutting her off just in time.

"Yes, well we do what we must. I'll admit I haven't had a good meal since I retired as well. It seems cooking skills have surpassed me completely. I'm also rather lonely." He said quietly.

"Lonely? But you said you have a puppy, surely she keeps you company."

"She does a bit, but she makes more work for me then a lazy footman. At least the footmen respond when I yell." They both chuckled at that.

"What is her name?"

"Well I was forced to change her name, originally I called her Lady but I have since changed her name to 'Stop doing that for the love of.'"

"Seems like rather a long name."

"Yes well, she had truly earned it. To be honest Mrs. Hughes, I think I may give her back to his lordship. She is a sweet dog but she's not happy with me."

"How could anyone be unhappy with you?" She asked in all seriousness.

He faltered at that, starring at her quietly contemplating her question.

"You seem unhappy with me Mrs. Hughes, at least you did. You slapped me, twice in fact if you recall."

"I do recall Mr. Carson, and while you fully deserved the first one I will admit you did not deserve the second one. I was surprised by your actions and I acted incorrectly. I'm sorry." There was a lull as he took in her words.

"If I could do it over again Mr. Carson, I would not have slapped you. I would have kissed you again."

"If…" he said, trailing off, the shock of her words overtaking him. Perhaps if he had stayed they could have mended things, perhaps they could have been okay.

"But life is full of ifs, as you well know." She said gently placing her hand on his.

"Indeed it is." He said solemnly, entwining his fingers with hers.

They stopped speaking, and simply sat there holding hands for almost an hour. Their fingers stayed entwined though, both their minds racing, trying to figure out both their hearts and their future. He knew he couldn't live without her, not again. She knew she couldn't live without him, but likely would have to. Finally as the air turned colder and clouds began to cover the skies she spoke.

"I cant marry you." She said very matter of factly.

"I don't recall asking." He said matching her tone.

"But you would have. You said so earlier, I know you better then you know yourself. You would ask me, and I would have to refuse. So instead I will simply give an answer before the question is asked, I cant marry you."

"Would why be an unreasonable question?"

"It would all be for naught." She said simply. He held his breath, waiting for her to continue waiting to understand.

"If we married," she said without any emotion, "it would be an admission that we have wasted our lives. I decided as a young girl I would never marry, that my independence and success were more important to me then any man. If I marry you now I have to admit that the choice I made all those years ago was wrong. That I've wasted my entire life being unhappy for no reason, perhaps if this all was happening twenty years ago or even ten I could say that it simply took a long time to find the right man but now…its too late for that excuse. I love you Mr. Carson, more then I have ever loved another person. But admitting that means I have to face my regrets and I cant do that. I cant admit that my entire life has been wasted, it would too terrible a lesson."

"I suppose I must say that I understand." He whispered.

"Do you? Do you really? I don't want to hurt you Mr. Carson, that is the last thing I would ever want."

"I do understand Mrs. Hughes, I had the same reservations myself. When I'm alone I can almost convince myself I don't love you. That I made the right choices in my life, that while I will always wonder about another way my life could have gone there would still be no comparison to the life I have had. But well, when we held hands at the beach. Your touch told me the truth, that I've spent all my life being a butler when I should have spent it loving you. But now, as you've said, its too late." With that he released his hold on her hand, bringing his up to wipe the tears away from her eyes. She turned her head to look at him and smiled the sweet, defeated smile he had occasionally seen from her in their darkest moments.

"I should get back to the house." She said taking her feet out of the water and patting them dry with her skirts.

"Yes, and I should get back to 'stop doing that for the love of.'"

They both shared a smile as she began to walk away.

"I miss you dreadfully." He yelled to her.

"I miss you too." She said looking back at him briefly. He turned back to look at the lake. He had to figure something out, there had to be a way. If he couldn't restore the balance to his life, if he couldn't restore her to his life, he'd drown under his own sorrow.

A week later Mrs. Hughes was snapped from her afternoon rest in her sitting room by frantic knocking on her door.

"What on earth…" she mumbled to herself, slowing rising and walking towards the door. Checking her hair on the way lest anyone notice she was napping. As she turned the handle the door swung open, forcing her to jump back quickly. In walked Mr. Carson. He quickly closed the door behind him and moved towards her.

"Mr. Carson, what on earth-" but her sentence was interrupted as his arms wrapped around her waist and his lips crashed down onto hers.


	8. Chapter 8

This time as her hand flew up he blocked the impending blow, then grabbed her hands in his.

"You really must stop doing that." He said, his ridiculous smile still planted on his face.

"And you need to learn to be a gentlemen Mr. Carson." She said, thoroughly annoyed at him having completely interrupted her day by giving her an earth shattering kiss.

" I have a proposition for you Mrs. Hughes." He said still smiling.

"Mr. Carson! How dare you, a few kisses and-"

His hand flew up to stop her, "No Mrs. Hughes, not that kind of proposition. What kind of man do you think I am?" He said rather offended.

"I've no idea anymore Mr. Carson. The old Mr. Carson would never dare to interrupt me in the middle of the day, knowing full well this is my only chance to catch up on invoices."

At that his smile disappeared and he appeared crest fallen. She briefly noted how sad he had become and instantly felt bad.

"I'm sorry Mrs. Hughes, I shall come back at a better time." He said, turning to go. As he reached for the door handle her hand gently took hold of his arm.

"No, I'm sorry Mr. Carson, that was unkind. You are here now and I would like to hear what you have to say. It must be important if it has you so excited."

He turned back at her, relieved to see her smiling at him. She motioned for them to sit but was rather surprised when he sat himself down right next to her.

"What do you think of the Grantham Arms?" He asked.

"I thought you said this wasn't _that_ kind of proposition?" she asked, becoming genuinely concerned.

"I mean nothing like that Mrs. Hughes. What do you think of it as a business?" He asked very eager.

"Well, it's a rather nice establishment, if you enjoy that sort of thing."

"You see I spoke with Lord Grantham when I was returning the puppy and mentioned how I am not exactly enjoying retirement. That I miss having something to do and people to interact with. He informed me that the current owner of the Grantham arms has just put it up for sale."

"You cant mean…" She began to stumble over her words.

"Yes, Lord Grantham has said that he will front me the money and I will pay him back in small installments at a very reasonable interest rate. I will take over at the end of the month. I will tend the bar, manage the guests, the only thing I am missing is someone with impeccable ordering and invoicing skills. Who can help me run an inn. I will admit I know almost all there is to know when it comes to serving such a place, but I know little about running it." He took her hands in his and looked at her pleadingly.

"I don't know Mr. Carson, this is a lot to consider. Wont Lord Grantham be angry that he's fronted you the money and you've repaid him by taking the house keeper?"

"I already discussed that with him and he didn't mind at all. He has noted how unhappy you are here."

"What? Have I been that horrible that he will jump at the first opportunity to be rid of me? Was I not to be consulted?" She said getting up, anger beginning to build.

"You are being consulted right now! Besides why would Lord Grantham wish any member of his staff to be unhappy. I'm the best butler Downton has ever seen and likely will ever see yet he gave me his best wishes when it was clear continuing to work here would kill me."

"Well, there are still other things to consider…" She said hesitantly, hoping he would understand her meaning.

"Ah, yes well, we wouldn't…um…we wouldn't have to marry or…well…our relationship can remain as it always has. That kiss earlier was entirely inappropriate and I can assure you will not happen again. I am content to be with you, Mrs. Hughes you are my dearest friend, and it has been so painful to be without your friendship these last few months. I only want that back, nothing more. Our evening chats over wine, your constant prodding at me to adapt and change, I miss it all terribly. I wouldn't even be considering running the Grantham Arms except it seems the perfect solution to be near you again."

Tears began to stream down her face, she turned to look in his eyes and smiled sweetly. "Oh Mr. Carson, I think that is the most beautiful thing I have ever heard."

With that she stepped towards him and put her arms around his neck, tentatively he raised his arms and encircled her waist. Just being able to hold her was enough.

"Does this mean you will join me? Will you be my business partner?" he said looking down at her, her head still pressed tightly against his chest. After a few moments enjoying his warmth she pulled back slightly and looked up at him.

"Of course I would!" Then she returned her head to its previous position resting against his chest, noting happily that his heart was beating a mite quicker then it had before.

The next month passed in agony. Mr. Carson slowly packed up all of the items in the cottage that he had recently unpacked which while there was not a great many items he had become used to a much smaller work load in retirement. But at the end of the day, when his muscles were tired from the strain he knew it would all be worth it.

Mrs. Hughes' mood had improved significantly, and while she still kept her impeccable standards it was clear the housekeeper was ready to be done with Downton and on to a new part in her life. She'd managed to box up all her belongs the first week, then had to shift through every box to find the things she needed. She conceded to herself that she might be a little over eager but this was the first big change in her life since she rejected Joe to go into service.

The one thing that plagued her mind constantly was what would happen to them, the two of them all alone running the Grantham Arms together. Their brief touches and intimacies had so altered their relationship she was becoming very concerned about the possibilities. If this didn't work out, if something happened that knocked the two of them off their balance and they were unable to recover she would have nothing. No job and no where to go. As the days past her excitement and her fear began to compete for her attention, and as the day of departure neared the fear began to win out.

Finally the day had arrived. The day that Mr. Carson would come to get Mrs. Hughes and they would head to the Grantham Arms to start a new journey together. Mr. Carson came bouncing into the servants hall like a child at Christmas. He had managed to solve his greatest problem and was about to reap the rewards, the rest of his lifetime with his closest friend and the love of his life, though he knew he could never have her as he truly wanted. He consoled himself that being near her was enough, it had always been enough and would continue to be. He knocked lightly on her sitting room door and waited.

She opened the door slowly, his heart dropped as he saw the tears in her eyes and the look of sorrow on her face. As terrible a thought as it was he silently hoped that someone was ill or perhaps even dead, because if her tears meant she had changed her mind he feared he would die on the spot.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: My dearest apologies for the delayed posting. I had a romantic weekend away with my own 'butler in white livery' and woefully neglected this story. We are venturing away from angst now and into some inn running fun. Hope you enjoy, as always please, please, pretty please with sugar on top review!**

"Mrs. Hughes, whats wrong?" He said quickly going to her side and taking her hands. She pulled them out of his instantly and went to sit on the couch.

"Are you having second thoughts?" He asked, pulling one of the chairs up to sit across from her. She refused to look him in the eyes and his heart was beating erratically, he had been so close to happiness, he couldn't lose it all now.

"I am…having second thoughts that is. Its not that I don't want to, Mr. Carson, that isn't it but…I've just been thinking, if we try and…well if we fail I will have nothing."

"What? I would never leave you with nothing, I'm sure Lord Grantham will help us, but the Grantham Arms is well established, it is a sturdy stable business, it cant fail."

"I don't mean the Grantham Arms, I mean us Mr. Carson." She said, looking down at her hands, hoping he would understand her meaning.

"I don't understand what you mean Mrs. Hughes, we have been friends for nearly twenty years. We may have fights occasionally but nothing that would sink us. I'm sure of that."

"Are you? Are you really sure of that? Need I remind you what the months after the beach were like? We hardly spoke to one another, I bloody well gave you a heart attack. If something happens, if we slip, if we forget ourselves? We have managed to find a perfect balance again, if lose that balance one more time I'm terrified we might not regain it."

"Well we wont Mrs. Hughes. We simply wont." He said matter of factly, hushing the voices of reason in his mind telling him there would be no way he could keep his hands off the woman before him.

"I want to believe you Mr. Carson but after recent events…" She trailing off finally daring to look at him. He suddenly realized that she loved him, just as much as he loved her. The glow in her eyes, it told him everything, that she loved him more then anyone or anything in the world and that to lose him would kill her.

"Elsie-" He whispered, her sudden gasp at his first use of her Christian name making him falter. "Why cant we be together? I love you, and I know you love me. Why can we not marry and run the inn together as a married couple?"

"I've told you before Charles I cant marry you. You already know my reasons, besides if it doesn't work out I will have nothing. No home, no job and no you. The first two I could manage without but you, I cant lose you. I would rather have you as we are then to risk that no matter how lovely another way might be."

"Alright, if I promise to respect that. If I promise you that we will remain nothing more then friends, that we will never stumble or lose our way. Will you please come with me." He said, taking her hands in his, squeezing them gently.

"I'm just not sure Charles." She mumbled looking towards the fire on the other side of the room, wondering how long the embers could burn before they went out, wondering how long she could pretend before the bottom dropped out.

"Elsie, I know this is terrifying but we will be okay. We will be alright, as long as we are together."

With that she silently began nodding, turning her head back to look him squarly in the eyes.

"Alright, lets get the car loaded. I'd like to be settled in before the evening rush." She said, the tears having dried up from her face.

The Grantham Arms wasn't a terribly clean place Elsie noticed. There were inches of dirt on most every surface, stains on the floors she would likely be unable to get out. She had been in the Grantham Arms a handful of times in her life but she'd never noticed what a dump it was. Looking over at Charles, holding their suitcases in his hands, watching several of the local boys carrying all the boxes into their prospective rooms, a big dumb smile was light across his face. Clearly he was seeing vision of Buckingham Palace, while she was looking a the darkness of Canary Warf.

"Mr. Carson" she said, snapping him out of his stupor, "Could you perhaps show me to my office, there is something I'd like to discuss with you."

"Um, yes of course Mrs. Hughes, right this way." He said, walking her past the bar towards the back of the room. "There are two offices, I guessed you would appreciate the one with the window, though it is slightly smaller then the other one." He said opening the door for her and following her in. She said nothing as her hands held even tighter onto her bag and her eyes critically surveyed the room.

"If you dislike this room you are more then welcome to the other, I just thought you might enjoy the natural light this room will afford you during the summer." He said, hoping to prompt her into response. After several tense minutes she fixed her stare back on him.

"Mr. Carson, the office does not concern me. What concerns me is the state of the inn. Its absolutely filthy out there. Did you not examine the place before you purchased it?"

"Of course I did. But those are all cosmetic issues, that's why I've brought you in here. To help shine and polish the place."

"If you expect me to get on my hands and knees and scrub that damn dirty floor you've another thing coming Charles Carson!" She said moving towards him, her pointer finger out stretched and ready to poke him right in his chest, but she hesitated at the last second, suddenly concerned about the fire of his touch.

"Of course I do not expect you to get on your hands and knees. There are two maids who work here and if you think it would be necessary we can hire a few more girls to help get the place cleaned up. Once its had a proper cleaning then it will be easier to maintain. What I would like from you is to take care of telling the girls what to do and supervising their work." He turned to leave and looked back at her with a twinkle in his eye. "And preferably with less cheek next time Miss Hughes." He said ducking out of the room quickly.

She couldn't help but smile at that. There was much to be done, but this was his dream and it was now her dream. And as she sat on her new desk chair, which squeaked rather concertingly under her she couldn't help but remember the best destinations often involved scary, winding paths.


	10. Chapter 10

"How was your first night in a new bed?" Mr. Carson asked when Mrs. Hughes came down and took the seat next to him at the small table in the kitchen. There were just enough seats for the two of them at the small table in the corner of the kitchen. Elsie noticed two young girls in the kitchen cooking away, completely ignoring the two new heads of staff in the corner and a full English breakfast in front of her. She looked down at her plate in amazement, there was more food on that plate then she had had in years, but goodness it all looked so delicious. As she began to evulate each item on her plate, deciding if it would be best to try a bit of everything or only eat a few things and save the rest for later she became vaguly aware that Mr. Carson was coughing.

"Is there something wrong with your throat Mr. Carson?" She asked, her eyes still not lifting from her plate.

"No…" He mumbled, "I…um…I asked you if you had enjoyed your first night in a new bed?" He asked again.

"Oh!" She said looking up quickly at him, the word bed having caught her ear quiet clearly. "That's rather a personal question to ask." She said unsure how to respond.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to be ungentlemanly, I was just wondering if you slept well in a new place. I was amazed last night at how quiet things are here."

"Ah, well to tell you the truth I slept very well. I notice that these beds, at least mine is much larger then the one I had at Downton. When I first saw it I was convinced I could never be comfortable in such a large bed but this morning, well there is nothing better then stretching out completely and not having anything dangling off the edge. Truth to tell I had to rally myself to get out of bed!" She said with a giggle, picking up her fork.

"Ha," he said, laughing merrily "I felt the same way this morning! I've dreamed my whole life of a big bed, it seems such a shame now to leave it. But alas we must."

"This is delicious!" She said, shoving fork full after fork full into her mouth. By the third bite she remembed that with her nerves she had neglected to eat anything the previous day and now intended to make up for that error double fold.

"Yes, these young girls make quiet a good meal. I didn't even ask for this, just told them I needed a spot of breakfast to start the day. It seems the previous owner enjoyed his full English breakfasts."

"I can see why. Though of course we cant eat this way every day." She said, with a woeful look in her eyes.

"Who says we cant?" He asked genuinely.

"Well it must be expensive to eat like this all the time." She said.

"Not really, we have to have all these ingredients for the guests plus we are making a good profit regardless, these breakfasts with only take a small amount away from our profit."

"Well no a less flattering note if I eat like this every day I'll be the size a house before you can blink."

"Nonsense, besides you would look lovely no matter what you weight." He said earnestly.

"Mr. Carson," she said warningly "its comments like that that must stop."

"Am I no longer allowed to compliment you?" He said.

"It might be best that way." She said earnestly, putting her fork down, suddenly full.

"Right well, I shall remember that. I thought today we could go into town and see if we can find some girls to help us give this place a full clean over. There are two regular maids who come in every day but to get everything up to your standards we may need some additional help."

"That's a wise idea Mr. Carson."

"Please call me Charles."

She hesitated for a moment, wondering if this small action might tip the scale one direction or the other.

"Alright, but I suppose you should call me Elsie."

He smiled brightly at her as she got up to leave the room and begin her day.

After almost a week of cleaning with extra hands the pub was up their standards, it had been hard, but at the end of the day as they stood at the bar looking around over the clean pub, knowing that the rooms upstairs all matched just as pristinely they felt proud. Every night after dinner was served they would have a chat in his office downstairs, sipping some wine and discussing the day. Elsie had taken control of the inn part of the business and Charles the pub. After their evening drink Elsie would head upstairs to bed and Charles would head out to work in the pub for a bit. Most nights he would simply walk around greeting people, occasionally running drinks around when the bar tender was busy. It was a life he had always dreamed about. He was doing all the things he enjoyed but was now only responsible for pleasing himself. He didn't have to worry about what Lord someone might think, the only thing that mattered were his opinions, and Elsie's too of course. He was his own man, a free man and he was thoroughly enjoying it.

Elsie was always amazed that despite how varied the times they retired to bed were, Charles always staying up until the pub closed, they always had breakfast together. Not only did they always dine together but he always seemed so bright and cheery. Though she suspected he was making up for his rest napping during the day. When he had originally told her his ideas about his focusing on the pub and her the inn she was concerned that they would hardly see each other, that they would eventually become ships passing in the night but that was not to be the case. In fact they spent a good portion of the day together which though she hated to admit, pleased her greatly.

"Elsie, I hate to impose upon you but we are having two large parties in this evening. A stag night and a retirement party for some bloke from the post office, would you be available to be an extra hand? I normally would not ask but Alexander has been given the night off as his wife is very ill. I think I might be able to manage but just in case, I would like to have a back up pair of eyes."

"Of course Charles, I wouldn't mind in the least. However I may need to take a nap today sometime if I'm to stay up most of the night, just let me know when you have finished with your afternoon nap and I'll take mine."

"Alright that sounds…how did you know I take an afternoon nap?" He said, very concerned that his secret was out.

"Charles, with a nose like that do you honestly think anyone could miss your snores!" she said laughing heartily to herself.

The day had passed and while Elsie wanted nothing more then to go to her room, remove her corset and sleep she knew she couldn't let Charles down. He had roughly explained to her what to do when she arrived at the bar, she was to keep an eye on smaller groups and to make sure their bills were all being done correctly. Charles would see to the larger parties, fancying himself a bit of an expert on large dining parties.

Just after one am the individual tables began to dissipate and while the group of postal workers had gone home for the night the stag party was still going strong. Many of the men were now much farther into their cups then Elsie had thought appropriate but Charles didn't seem to mind. It was all harmless fun.

At least it was harmless up until the point where Elsie was walking by their table on her way to clean and recently emptied table near the corner. As she walked by a small foot came out, perhaps preparing to leave, the foot came into contact with Elsie's and set her stumbling forward, fortunately the gentleman whose foot had encountered Elsie's had put his arms up to brace her stumble. Unfortunately his hand which would have done well to land on Elsie's waist clasped her breast instead for balance. After she regained her footing she pushed her body quickly away from his, his hand leaving her breast not of its own accord. She looked up at the man and immediately felt her heart drop. He was short, rather overweight, completely bald with sweat running down his face, he smiled at her and she noticed how few teeth he actually had, he looked so repulsive then the devilish look in his eyes only further added to his discomfort. His hands were horribly greasy and Elsie had no doubts it would take much effort to get the imprints of his hands off her dress.

"Oh sorry miss. You alright?" He said is a rough accent Elsie was unused to, suddenly she felt very out of place in the pub.

"I'm fine sir. I just tripped, forgive my clumsiness."

"Aint no worry miss, if you ever feel clumsy again me hands 'll be happy to catch ya." He said with a wink.

Elsie blushed and quickly moved away from the table. After clearing the table in the corner she pushed past the party quickly, trying to get to the bar with little attention.

"Eh, miss, if you get a moment, ya think me and the blokes could have another round?" The same crude man with greasy hands said.

"Yes, of course." She said not looking at him, only nodded and moved faster towards the safety of the bar and the safety of Charles.

"Would you like me to handle them?" Charles said when she reached him, having watched the entire scene very carefully.

Elsie let out the breath she didn't realize she'd been holding since she walked past them. "No, I'll be fine Charles. They may be drunk but they mean no harm." She said, gathering up the round of drinks.

After she set all the glasses down she turned to leave a felt a most unwelcome pat on her back side. She turned quickly and starred at once again the greasy handed bald gentleman. She opened her mouth to speak but before any words could escape the man was up and standing, though not of his own accord. He was being help up rather roughly but a red faced Charles.

"You sir, will not treat a lady in such a manner. You will keep your hands on your person, not only will you do that you will do it outside." Charles said as he bodily lifted the hand and trudged him towards the door.

"Put me down you damned-"

"Oh sir you best not finish that sentence." Charles said tossing the man out the front door.

"If you think I'm paying you-" he man spat angrily from the ground where he had been deposited.

Charles held the mans wallet out in front of him, he flipped thoroughly it and pulled out several bills to cover the mans drink and slightly extra.

"Oh sir, no pub owner doesn't also know the art of the finger smith. And look at this," Charles said incredulously looking at the money in his hands. "An extra trip to the woman who so kindly put up with a great deal of your hands." He said, tossing the nearly empty wallet back to the man.

He slammed the door quickly as obscenities began to spew forth from the drunken man.

Elsie stood before Charles her hands firmly on her hips and a look of anger in her eyes.

"I don't think it was really necessary to throw him out by his ear! That's hardly conductive to having a successful business." She said, a slight smile forming in the corners of her lips, betraying the angry tone in her voice.

"I didn't throw him out by his ear," Charles said, pulling at his waist cost "I threw him out by his collar!" He said, his laughter mixing with hers as they headed back towards the bar.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Thank you all for your wonderful reviews! They brighten my day to no end! **

Things had been going well for Charles and Elsie after taking ownership of the Grantham Arms. While they were still both very busy the stress level upon both of them had dropped considerably. Charles no longer exerted himself helping with the wine and spirit deliveries. Instead he watched the young bar keep hull things around with a smug smile on his face. He had worked hard for many years and this new life of active leisure was rather nice. When he felt tired he would take a nap, when he wanted some air he would walk outside. He was truly his own man, the only person he ever needed to consult was Elsie. Elsie herself had blossomed since their arrival at the arms. She found herself helping change the bed linens and enjoyed it greatly. There was something about a little manual labor that made her feel young, however if she did get too tired she would simply tell the maids what to do and go to her room for a nap. Indeed she was enjoying spending time in her large bed. She would climb under the covers and stretch every limb out completely and marvel that none surpassed the edge of the bed. Lying there one night watching the flickers of her candle flame dance on the ceiling she wondered why she had not retired earlier.

They had been running the Inn together for almost six months when Charles was confronted with the realization that it was nearly time for his yearly trip to London. When they lived at Downton he had so many excuses to go to London for the over night trip he indulged in every year for over twenty years, however he no longer had Downton to disguise his intent. He sat at his desk one day thinking very hard about what he would say to Elsie. Would she even ask him why he was going to London? If she did, did he need to answer her? Truly it was his own personal business what he did. He could simply lie to her, though that left rather a sour taste in his mouth. She was his friend, his partner, he couldn't simply lie to her. But the more he contemplated it the more he knew it would hurt her if he told her the truth. He had no choice, he would be deliberately vague and should she pressure him for answers he would lie.

That evening she came into his office with a smile, as she did every night and two pieces of desert in her hands.

"And what have our wonderful cooks left us this evening?" He asked pouring some wine for the two of them, and clearing off the spot on his desk where she could set the plates. They always ate sitting across from each other at his desk, it felt close but not too intimate.

"Bread pudding it looks like. It must be good, I've had several patrons tonight order seconds." She said setting the plates down and easing into her seat.

"That is a good sign." He said with a smile.

They ate in silence for a while, Charles building up his nerve and Elsie simply content with the quiet.

"Oh, I almost forgot to mention it. I will be going to London this week, I'll leave on the 6pm train this Wednesday and I'll return Thursday morning on the 9am." He said as casually as he could.

"Oh," she said a bit taken back, "you don't often go to London."

He was looking very intently at his desert, a bit too intently for her liking.

"Is there a special reason for going Charles?" she asked.

"Um, no really…" he stumbled, trying to not give himself away. "Its just, there are a few things for the bar I would like to get and it seems safer to go to London and purchase them in person then to order them."

"Really, such as?" she said, having never heard him mention needing things for the bar.

"Yes, well, um there are some wines I would like to get."

"For goodness sake why? The locals seem to love the wines we have been serving though we serve precious little wine. If anything we should be purchasing more ale."

"Yes, well normally you are correct but with the holidays coming, New Years is not too far away now I should really purchase a few high class wines before the price goes up much. If we don't sell them then you and I can enjoy them after the new year as a treat to ourselves."

She paused, thinking for a moment. She couldn't tell if he was lying to her or not but she did know how much he loved his wines. But why would he go to London just to buy wine, he could easily get wine delivered. In fact Downton village offered most all the things they needed to run the arms. Then it dawned on her, the holidays. He was going to go shopping for a Christmas present, probably something for her! There really were no good shops in Downton village for such things, and she highly suspected that he had always purchased his personal gifts to her in London during the season. Now that he was not going with the family for the season that must have limited his shopping time a great deal, and of course being such a smart man he was shopping well in advance. What a sweet man, she thought to herself.

"Well, I suppose then you should go. I hope you have a good time in London." She said smiling happily at him.

"Um, I will. I should go pack."

"Indeed you should," she said getting up from her chair. "But perhaps you could wait until this evening is over?" She said with a slight giggle as she left the room.

"Yes of course, I…" but she had already left.

Wednesday came and went quietly at the Grantham Arms. Charles left early for the train station and the evening crowd had been a rather quiet one. The inn had only a few guests at the moment and Elsie found herself with a greaa bitt deal of free time. She began to rack her brain thinking of what she would get Charles for Christmas. There was still plenty of time to order something and have it shipped. She simply had to think of the right thing.

The next morning at breakfast she lingered a bit in the kitchen waiting for him. Knowing that after the train ride he would be rather hungry. She had the cook fix him a full English breakfast, which sat in the lukewarm oven awaiting him. As the clock stuck nine she suddenly realized that the tea had gone cold. She walked over to the stove, her favorite blue teapot in her hand and filled it with fresh hot water. He would be walking back now, he would arrive at any moment. She was rather excited to hear what he had gotten up to in London, perhaps he might drop a few hints about what he had gotten her. As she walked back towards the table she heard him enter. She turned to look at him with a beaming smile on her face. It had only been a day, less then that in fact but she had missed him terribly. As she looked him up and down, she noticed the air around them had changed. What once had been filled with the scent of breakfast and tea was now replaced with another scent. A strange one, it was powerful and feminine. It reminded her a bit of…then she recognized the scent, it was one of the thousands of cheap perfumes sold on the London streets, but worse she had smelled this particular scent on him before, and with that thought she dropped the teapot and it shattered into a thousand little pieces.

**A/N: Don't hate Charles too much, he might have some good reasons for his bad behavior…**


	12. Chapter 12

They eyed each other cautiously. Charles hadn't noticed the scent was still on him when he'd gotten off of the train but by the look on Elsie's face he could tell it was. What he'd been up to in London was painfully obvious to her. Guilt overtook him, he should have just told her why he was going, though of course she would have been livid and he would not have gone. It had all gone so wrong so quickly.

"I've some work to do..." She said turning to leave, completely ignoring the shattered teapot on the floor and the specks of lot liquid on her skirt.

"Elsie-" he began but was caught off as the young cook walked in.

"Hello Mr. Carson! So happy to have you back! It wasn't the same yesterday without you. Mrs. Hughes had me leave a nice breakfast in the oven for you, I'll just fetch it if you fancy."

"Yes, that would be nice Emily." He said, not breaking eye contact with Elsie for even a moment. "That was very kind." He said looking at her with soft eyes, trying to express his sorrow at having upset her yet again.

"Here you are," Emily said setting the food down on the table. "Is that a new perfume Mrs. Hughes? It's very nice." Emily said unaware of the tension between the lord and lady of the inn.

"No, I wouldnt be caught dead wearing such cheap perfume." Elsie said and with that she exited, only to pop her head back in a moment later to look at Charles with the most venomous stare she could mister.

"You best wash up Mr. Carson, we wouldn't want anyone associating such a cheap smell with this establishment." And with that she stomped to her office, slamming the door and locking it behind her.

He walked up to his room and ran himself a nice bath. Perhaps, he thought hopefully, he would have a heart attack in the bath and drown and never have to face Elsie again.

But alas he was not that lucky, since his attack earlier in the year he had begun taking pristine care of his heart, it would not likely fail him for many more years. Woefully he went down to dinner only to find Elsie still locked in her office. He sat alone, in a quiet solitary world. After dinner he prepared for the evening rush but felt deflated completely. After the initial rush of the night he decided he would turn in early. Walking up the stairs a little after midnight he noticed the door to her office was slightly ajar and the light was on. Cautiously he walked over to it, making sure to make no sounds as he approached for fear of having the door snapped closed before he could reach her. Cautiously he pushed the door wide open, she turned in her chair quickly to face him. Her mouth opened to scold him but nothing came out. After a moment just staring at each other him noting the redness of her eyes, her noticing the low slump of his shoulders, she closed her mouth and simply looked at him, unable to make the first move. As they stared at each other her anger began to burn again, it began to roar inside of her and she almost burst with rage then he spoke.

"Yesterday was my birthday." He said simply, watching the anger that he had seen burning in her disappear.

"What, really?" She asked a bit in shock.

"Yes."

"I didn't know." She said feeling rather bad.

"Yes well most people assume I'm some other being, not even human actually and thus I probably don't have a birthday but I do." He said sounding even more sad then she had imagined one could sound.

"I'm sorry. I wish you had told me."

"We have worked together for twenty years and you've never asked." He said, sitting down in the chair across the room.

"You're right. I'm sorry. I feel terrible, you've never forgotten my birthday in all those years..." She trailed off, feeling the worst guilt she'd ever experienced. Nearly every nice scarf or hat or pair of gloves she owned had been birthday gifts from him but somehow she had never even considered he might have a birthday or been deserving of the same attention.

"It's fine Elsie, like I said, few people see me as someone even capable of having a birthday. The first few years I was at Downton the housekeeper Mrs. Bergstrom had always remembered and got me something special. Then her mind started to go and she forgot one year, then again the next year. By the fourth year I was feeling very bad so I went to London for the day and well...I reclaimed a part of my youth. And after that it became a tradition I suppose. Someone to care about me, even if only for a short while."

"I'm so sorry Charles." She said tears welling up in her eyes.

"But must you continue? Those girls are so young, they could be your daughters and with the disease these days..." She said, hopelessly rambling, trying to make sense of it all.

"What kind of man do you take me for Elsie?" He said hurt by her comments. "I have visited the same woman these past twenty years." He paused, wondering if it was an appropriate story to tell. Well, he thought to himself, in for a penny in for a pound. "After Mrs. Bergstrom forgot me, and everyone else for that matter, I went to London. I really didn't know what I was doing there but I needed to be around people. I needed to connect with someone. When I was walking along one of the dirtier streets in the east end I ran into Maria. I had known her when I was on the stage, she was a dancer. She was pretty and sweet but she'd decided that the money on the stage was not enough to be comfortable and had instead found herself a more lucrative vocation. I was young and stupid but…well, you might not understand but sometimes a person just wants to be cared for, even if he has to buy it."

She nodded silently at him, still unsure what to say.

"The next year, around my birthday again no one remembered so I went back to London and saw Maria. And amazingly she remembered, she had even bought me a bottle of wine with a red ribbon on it. After that it became a routine, I go every year a see her. She's a friend, as well as…" he hesitated "a lover." He said quietly looking down at the floor.

"I understand." She said softly.

He looked up at her and his eyes brightened. "Do you?"

"Well, I understand what it is like to feel forgotten. You are the only person who ever remembers my birthday. Even my sister cant be bothered to remember and write. But at least I have you."

"And you will always have me." He said in a voice that was barely a whisper.

"I'm sorry I've never remembered, or rather even thought to ask. I don't know why I didn't, but I would like to make it up to you."

"You don't have to do that." He said shaking his head and getting up from his chair.

"No, I do. It's a grievous error I must make up for."

"Really you needn't do a thing, except, well…" he said unsure how to phrase his thoughts.

"Yes, anything Charles." She said earnestly, sitting

"Forgive me. Forgive me my sins. I would never want to lose you, especially for something so-"

"You don't need to say it." She said saving him with a smile. "I would forgive you anything. You are my best friend, and I love you dearly."

"Thank you. I love you too." He said with a smile and with that he left the room and headed to his bed. Feeling happier then he had felt on this day in many years.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: My sincerest apologies for how long this update has taken. I've been nursing a rather thoroughly broken heart as of late and have had little motivation to write. I promise not to falter again and to see this story to its 'happily ever after.' As always reviews are greatly appreciated and treasured!**

The next morning Elsie practically leapt out of bed. She only had a short amount of time to put her plan to work. Guilt over her actions had kept her up all night. True what Charles had done could easily be considered morally questionable, but what man other then Charles Carson would ever have been faithful to a prostitute.

The thought made her smile, deep down he was a good man, but like most he was subject to the baser aspects of existence. At least he could find some comfort in the warm arms of another, Elsie however being a woman was forced to face her cold bed alone night after night.

Shaking her head she dressed for the day and hurried down the stairs hoping to be out of the house before he awoke.

As she bounced down the stairs trying to take stock in her mind of all the things she needed to do, she somehow managed to forget to look forward when rounding a corner and ran straight into him. Somehow he hadn't anticipated that she would actually waltz right into him and had neglected to put his hands out to stop her. Her face pressed into his chest as her body molded against his. His arms came up and grabbed her frantically, managing to wrap around her tiny frame and hold her to him. They both paused for a moment taking in their current positions, finally Elsie flung her head up to look at him, his arms quickly pulled back to his side and she stepped away from his embrace.

"Oh Charles, I'm so sorry. I wasn't looking where I was going." She said, muttering a feeble apology and looking intently at something on the floor.

"No need to worry Elsie, it could happen to anyone. Though I must wonder where you are heading to in such a hurry."

"Oh I've got a few things I need to pick up this morning."

"Really? Didn't the order arrive yesterday?" He said.

"Yes, but there are still a few things I need." She said, hoping to appease him and attempting to walk past him, both things rather difficult to do with Charles Carson.

"But I ordered everything we'd need, we couldn't have run out of anything in the two days between myself placing the order and it arriving. I'm concerned Mr. Carroll has been shorting us, let me see the invoices-"

"Charles, the things I need to fetch are of a personal nature and do not effect the business at all." She said hoping to finally hush him up and go about her day.

"Oh, yes um, sorry… I will let you get on with it then. Good day." He said, staggering away like a stunned gazelle. He had heard that women had personal trouble that they had to deal with every month, but as it had been related to him that was more of a younger woman's trouble. He suddenly felt very uncomfortable and headed quickly to his pantry to find something to occupy his confused him.

Elsie frantically paced in front of the local book seller. What was taking him so long to open his shop. The sign declared business hours from 9am until 4pm, looking at her watch once again it was almost two minutes past nine! She had to get inside, find the perfect book for Charles, which she assumed would be a much more difficult task then she had originally thought then get over to the bakery first thing to have her pick of the deserts.

Finally Mr. Sherman opened his doors at almost five past. Elsie brushed by him quickly and began scanning the shelves. After scanning two book cases it occurred to her this might prove to be a very difficult venture indeed.

An hour later Elsie emerged from the book shop with a small parcel under her arm and a very frazzled look upon her face. Charles Carson was perhaps the most difficult man she had ever encountered, and this morning had proved to her he could cause her difficultly without even being present!

She stepped quickly across the busy street and into the new bakery. Miss Milly's Cakes, which had just opened a week before. Elsie had noted the look in Charles' eye as they had passed by the previous Saturday while out for an evening walk.

"Hello ma'am." Said the friendly woman behind the counter. She was a slightly older woman, probably Elsie's age or so with soft blond locks, a very pretty face and a shapely frame. Elsie immediately felt intimidated, though quickly dismissed the feeling as silly and childish. This woman posed no threat to her, she was far past her courting days.

"Hello, I'm looking for a birthday cake." Elsie said looking at all the fine items in the display case. Scanning the case carefully her eyes landed on an apple tart that looked heavenly, next to it in the case sat a chocolate layered cake with promises of raspberry filling, an equally heavenly option.

"Well we have a few in the case here. The white cake with chocolate filling is a very popular choice, we also have the chocolate. I can special make cakes with a few days notice."

"Oh, you are the baker?" Elsie said in surprise.

"Yes, I'm Milly. The girl who usually works the counter is out sick today, so I'm running back and forth!" She said with a slight giggle that made the hair on the back of Elsie's neck stand up.

"Ah, well that must be rather difficult." Elsie said, her eyes returning to the case.

"I'm afraid I cant decide between the apple tart or the chocolate cake. He is a great fan of both." Elsie said, rather annoyed at having two very good options in front of her.

"Well you cant go wrong with either. The apples were freshly picked this morning, as were the raspberries. I prefer to only use the freshest ingredients."

Elsie gave the woman a half hearted smile and thought to herself, its only once a year a man has a birthday, and she had neglected his for several years…

"I'll take them both." Elsie said confident with her decision and reaching for her pocket book.

"Really?" the shop keeper said, rather astounded.

"Yes, its his birthday after all. Is there a chance you could write something on the chocolate cake? I'd love it if it could say happy birthday."

"Well of course, would you like to have his name on it."

"Yes, that would be lovely."

There was an awkward silence for a moment as the two women starred at each other.

"And his name ma'am?"

"Oh heavens, yes its Charles." Elsie said, having forgotten the woman was new to town and probably did not know any of the locals yet.

"Thank you, he's a lucky man your husband." She said, picking up the cake and walking to the back.

"Oh he's not my husband." Elsie said yelling after the woman.

"Really?" Milly asked returning a few minutes later. "I only assumed, because your purchasing two birthday cakes for the man."

"Yes, well we are business partners and good friends."

"And his wife doesn't mind you purchasing him two cakes?"

"He isn't married." Elsie said, gradually getting more uncomfortable with the line of questions.

"I see, and your husband doesn't mind?" the woman said, sounding completely shocked.

"I'm not married either. We are very good friends and often do kind things for one another. I'm sure you will notice that Downton Village is full of kind people doing kind things for one another, and marriage needn't be involved." Elsie said handing the woman the money and picking up her cakes. She instantly regretted it as both were rather heavy, especially with the added difficultly of trying to carry Charles' gift under her arm.

"Careful, those can be a bit heavy." Milly said, a bit disdainfully, having finally caught Elsie's lack of interest in her. "If its easier, why don't you leave one here and return for the other shortly. I can keep the second in the back for you."

"That might be best. I will be right back, we're only over at the Grantham Arms."

"You own the Grantham Arms?" Milly said rather astonished.

"Mr. Charles Carson owns it, I simply help him run it." Elsie said, uninterested in divulging anymore information to the nosy woman.

"Hm, a single business owner." Milly said to herself as Elsie left with her parcel under her arm and the apple tart in her hands.

Elsie hurried as quickly as she could. If she timed this right Charles would still be in his office sorting his invoices, she had a very small window in which to get the deserts to the kitchen and hide them. Sneaking in the back door she tip toed down the corridor walking past the closed door to his office. As she rounded the kitchen for the second time that day she found her body pressed up against his, only this time there was a smashed apple tart between them as well.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Thank you all for your kind words. I have tried to reward them with a somewhat fun chapter. Sorry for how short it is, the next chapter will be much longer and get the plot for the next chunk of the story going.**

Elsie watched in horror as the crushed apple tart slowly slid down the front of Mr. Carson.

"Oh God! I'm so sorry, I-" She said, completely panicking, frozen in her spot.

Charles looked at her with a stern expression bordering on anger, then without a moment of hesitation he reached down to the front of his shirt and grabbed two apple slices that had frozen themselves on his chest and flung them right at Elsie, hitting her square on the chest.

She gasped, unable to process what had just happened, had Mr. Carson, actually thrown food at her?

"Charles, what on earth!" She said taking a step back. Calmly and methodically he leaned down, grabbed a handful of the apple goo from the floor and tossed it as Elsie. This time however she jumped back in the nick of time and the concoction landed on the bottom part of her dress then fell to the floor.

"You've ruined my outfit Elsie, it only seems fair I should ruin yours." He said finally cracking a smile. He leaned forward to grab another handful as Elsie frantically picked up the goop at her feet. Pulling her arm back ready to launch she looked at him fiercely.

"That was an accident Charles, which you know well. I warn you if you touch another apple piece I shall launch this right at your face!" She said.

"You've not got good enough aim for that." He said haughtily.

"Try me!" She said, the stern expression on her face beginning to crack as giggles overtook her.

"Do your worst!" Charles said, launching another bit of apple at her, this time hitting the front of her dress square on.

"You horrible man!" She said, chucking her handful at his face.

Charles, put his arms up to cover his head and felt the apple hit him with surpring accuracy.

"Perhaps we ought to call a truce." Charles said, his hands still covering his face.

"Perhaps you should run!" Elsie said sending more tart his direction, though only hitting his knees with the substance this time.

"Wicked woman!" He said turning around and heading frantically out of the room. She followed him a bit and launched the last bit of tart she could, hitting him right in the bottom. At that Elsie burst out laughing as Charles dashed into his pantry and locked the door.

Laughing hysterically and unable to control her mirth Elsie walked to Charles' door and sat down, resting her back against the door.

"You've ruined my favorite trousers!" He shouted through the door.

"Oh you can send them to be laundered you big baby!" She said.

"On your dime!" He said, his own laughter echoing from under the door.

"That was supposed to be your birthday cake."

"But my birthday was two days ago. Besides which, though I only ever saw random pieces of it sprawled across my clothes and the floor, it was an apple tart and not a birthday cake."

"Well I know how much you like apple tarts."

He opened the door at that and looked down at her. Slowly she rose from her place on the ground, taking the sticky hand he offered to help her up.

"Besides, I've also bought you a birthday cake which is still at the shop as I was out of hands with which to carry it."

"Ah, so desert is not ruined after all?" He said.

"No, but I had meant for the cake to be a special surprise for just the two of us. Its rather small and I've had something rather personal written on it."

"That sounds a bit risqué." He said softly.

"Its only I've had the baker write your Christian name on the cake, as it was meant to be an informal treat for the two of us."

"Ah, well that isn't very risqué. Perhaps we can hide it in my pantry once you have retrieved it." He offered. "Or perhaps I should go and retrieve it, as your corner turning skills seem to be somewhat lacking these days."

"No!" She hurried, standing on her tip toes a bit, incredibly uncomfortable with the idea of that woman being anywhere near Charles. "I'll go and fetch it once I've changed my dress. Besides you've a lot of work to do, and a suit to change as well it seems."

"Yes, I suppose you are right. But can we please try to stop running into each other in the hallway? Its beginning to hurt!" He said laughing softly at the sight the two of them made.

"Of course, I'll attach some cowbells to the bottom of your trousers, so I can easily hear you coming." She said with a smile as she quickly made her escape upstairs to change.


	15. Chapter 15

His hands ran slowly down her sides, cupping her bottom, then settling on her hips, guiding her in the perfect rhythm they had established together. Her head dropped back as she neared the edge, her back arching in pleasure, the beautiful man beneath her began to yell her name as his body shuttered and they fell over the edge together.

She awoke with a start, her face was flushed and her breathing erratic. Sitting up in bed she tried to calm herself with the glass of water on her bedside table. She'd had the dream again, it had been almost a week since she'd had it. Perhaps the fight with the tart then the intimate dessert in his office that evening had spurred it on. She shook her head, hoping perchance she could convince the dream to not return. Not that it was an unpleasant dream, in fact they were always lovely dreams but they were only a reminder of things she couldn't have. Charles was her friend, her best friend, and while the images that paraded through her head at night looked divine the risk to fulfill them was high, too high in her mind. She glanced over at the clock, it was only midnight. She still had several more hours before she needed to be up and about. Listening intently she heard the sounds from the pub downstairs. It sounded like a busy night. She decided to get up and dressed, if she couldn't go back to sleep she might as well do something useful, there were still a handful of invoices that needed to be done.

Walking downstairs she stopped at Charles' office to collect the invoices, predictably he was not there and the door was locked. Charles had become rather paranoid about leaving his office unlocked during the evening hours after encountering a drunken patron asleep in the hallway.

She walked cautiously into the pub and made her way to the bar, the ususal place Charles would be to carefully observe the crowds. She scanned through the tables full of customers but failed to find Charles.

"Anthony," she called down to the bar tender. "Have you seen Mr. Carson?"

"Yeah, he's over there." The young man said pointing at a table near the corner.

As Elsie walked over she couldn't fathom why Charles would be sitting at a table, he never sat with the patrons, said it felt like trying to sit with the family at dinner parties.

Elsie's breath left her body when she got close enough to see Milly sitting across from Charles, smiling sweetly at him.

"Oh hello Ms. Hughes, good to see you again." Milly said cheerfully.

"Yes, nice to see you again as well." Elsie managed, letting a tortured breath out, trying to ignore the sappy look on Charles' face.

"Miss Wilson was just telling me about the bakery she's just opened. I didn't realize that was where you had gotten that lovely cake." Charles said beaming.

"Did you enjoy the apple tart as well Mr. Carson?" Milly asked.

"Well…um-" Charles stammered.

"Yes, it was lovely. Though I might have gone a bit over board."

"Was the writing on the cake legible, I always worry people cant read my handwriting but are too polite to say anything." Milly said, blushing and looking down at the table, her long eye lashes fluttering. Elsie felt sick.

"No, your handwriting was perfection. That was very sweet of you to write my name on the cake."

"Anytime Mr. Carson." She said, looking sheepishly up at him.

"You should call me Charles, if that wouldn't make you uncomfortable." He said, completely forgetting that Elsie was even in the room.

"Oh, I would love too, though it does sound a bit," she paused, "intimate." She said with a giggle.

Charles smiled widely, clearly in a world of his own.

"Mr. Carson," Elsie said as crisply and politely as she could muster. "Could you perhaps come and unlock your office door so I fetch the last of the invoices."

"Shouldn't you be asleep already Mrs. Hughes? You've an early day tomorrow." He said, forgetting that he had given up calling her missus many months ago.

"Yes, well I couldn't sleep so I'd like to get some work done." She said, this time glaring at the unsuspecting man.

"Well, I'm having such a lovely chat with Ms. Wilson-"

"Call me Milly, please Charles." She said, gently reaching across the table and placing her hand on his arm.

"Milly," he stuttered, "here Mrs. Hughes take my keys and you can just leave them on my desk when you are done with them."

"Wont you be afraid of someone taking them?" Elsie asked, concerned now that not only had Charles gone silly but stupid as well.

"Oh no, I'm not worried at all." He said.

"Well I'd best get to work." Elsie said taking the keys from Charles' his eyes, finally leaving Milly's to glance at Elsie for a moment.

"Goodnight Charles." Elsie said, leaving.

"Goodnight." Charles said, turning his attention quickly back to Milly.

As Elsie walked away, she couldn't help but notice a sinking feeling in her stomach and a sudden feeling of vertigo, it seemed they were losing their balance once again.

The next morning Elsie waited patiently for Charles to come to breakfast. By ten it was clear he wouldn't be down anytime soon and she set to her work. Just before noon he finally came downstairs, stopping off at the kitchen, Elsie waited silently wondering if he would come to her or if she would have to go to him. Listening intently she heard him walking slowly towards her door, then just as slowly pass it and head to his office. After forty five minutes Elsie could take it no longer and got up from her chair determined to talk with him, he could not simply ignore her all day long. Especially after such immature behavior the night before.

Knocking gently on his door she leaned into the doorway. "How are you to today Charles?" She asked smiling sweetly at him. He looked up from his papers and smiled back at her.

"I'm very well thank you. Though, I'm a bit tired."

"How late were you in the pub last night?" Elsie asked, nonchalantly.

"Oh, I was only there until about one am. Then I walked Miss Wilson home, it was so late. I was rather worried for her safety. Then to repay my kindness she invited me inside and gave me a few chocolate biscuits she had made that morning."

"How kind of her." Elsie said, her voice completely unenthused.

"Yes, she is a very lovely lady. Very lovely." He said, his mind drifting away, suddenly unaware of Elsie's presence in the room.

"Yes, well best be getting back to work. I returned the invoices to your desk. I hope you found your keys alright."

"Yes, I did thank you. Elsie?"

"Mm?" she said turning to look at him, nearly gone from the doorway now.

"Never mind." He said, waving his hand before him and setting back to his work. It was a silly notion really, he thought to himself. Silly, but marvelous.


	16. Chapter 16

The next evening Elsie decided a certain former butler could not be trusted on his own. Therefor during the early afternoon hours when she would normally be doing invoices she took a light nap. Hoping perchance she could stay awake for the better part of the evening and keep an eye on Charles.

The day passed slowly, their dinner together that evening was quiet. With Charles in such a rush to finish his dinner he could hardly be bothered to grunt responses to her questions, by the third grunted response she gave up conversation and focused on her own dinner.

"Well I'm off to the pub," he said, wiping his mouth and getting up quickly.

"Oh, really? I thought I might join you in there tonight." She said getting up herself, dismissing the last of the food on her plate as a lost cause.

"Are you sure? You aren't tired?" Charles said concerned at the sudden change in their usual routine.

"Yes, I feel very alert this evening actually. I thought it might be fun to mingle with the guests a bit and to see what you are up to all night long." She said with a slight giggle, hoping to hide her nervousness at the whole situation. She didn't want Charles to think she was spying on him, but in reality that was exactly what she had in mind.

"Alright, well I'll just go lock my pantry and head in." Charles said turning to leave the room.

"Are there any locals or regulars I should know about?" Elsie said, following behind him. Determined not to leave his side until she felt it was safe to do so.

"No, not really."

"Anyone special coming tonight?" Elsie said, trying her best to be subtle, not one of her better traits.

"Not that I know of." He said locking his office door and walking towards the bar, taking note of how close behind him she was following. "Is there someone you are expecting Elsie?" He asked concerned by her odd behavior.

"No, not at all." She said nonchalantly, getting herself a drink from the bar. It was going to be a very long night.

Indeed it was, three and a half hours passed with no sight of the she woman. Elsie had finally decided that she was over reacting, seeing Milly the previous night bad been a fluke and was unlikely to happen again. She put her hand gently on Charles' arm to get his attention from the bar tender, turning slowly to look at her they both heard the bell of the entrance ring, looking over in walked Milly.

Elsie's heart sank as she noted how beautiful the baker looked. Her long blond tresses fell down around her face and her emerald green dress was cut perfectly for her. Every curve was accentuated with what looked like very little work on the part of the wearer. Elsie looked down at the plain black dress she was wearing, then up at Charles' eyes wide with excitement and gave up. She was fighting a losing battle.

"Charles!" Milly cried from across the room, making her way quickly to the bar. "Its so good to see you again!" She said, sounding like an excited school girl.

"Its wonderful to see you again Ms. Wilson." Charles said, his eyes completely lost on Milly, forgetting that Elsie was even in the room.

"Charles, really, we settled this last night. My name is Milly, and you'd do well to remember!" she said winking at him.

The gall of the woman, Elsie thought to herself.

"Oh and good evening Mrs. Hughes." Milly said, moving slightly to the side to see Elsie, who was completed hidden by Charles' large frame.

"Good evening." Elsie said moving from behind Charles next to his side protectively. "What brings you in tonight?"

"Well, I was feeling a bit lonesome in the shop by myself so I thought I might come over to see if I can get anymore fantastic stories out of Charles. He had my sides aching last night from some of the stories he tells!"

"Really?" Elsie said, trying to hide her shock. "He hardly tells me any side splitting stories."

"Well Elsie, we've so much work to discuss, there never seems to be a good moment." Charles said, turning a bit red at having been caught out.

"I'm afraid I'm feeling a bit tired," Elsie said, planning a retreat from the battle, knowing it would be lost before it was begun. "I think I'll head up."

"Alright, goodnight Elsie." Charles said, offering Milly his arm and leading her to a quiet corner near the back.

Elsie walked quickly to her bedroom. Wishing the tears not to fall until she had gotten herself safely inside. She knew in her mind she had no right to be upset, he had asked her a hundred times over if she would have him. He had told her, should she never change her mind, and be willing to give it a go with him he would happily have her. She couldn't blame him for finding someone else, but she surely wanted to.

Charles was walking on air as he led Milly to her doorstep, it was almost four am. He knew she would need to be up soon to prepare for the day, and he ought to be getting to bed himself if he were to be of any use to anyone later in the day. Arriving at the door Milly stepped up onto the porch and turned to look at Charles. From this height they were on even footing, though Charles felt very much at the disadvantage, a way he had always felt with any woman.

"Well Charles, I must thank you for another wonderful evening." She said, taking his hands in hers.

"The pleasure was all mine, truly." He said, beaming up at her beautiful face. Losing himself completely in her sparkling eyes.

"Charles, perhaps this might be a bit forward of me but I'd like to see you again soon." Milly said, a pretty blush coming to her cheeks.

"I would like that very much. In fact I could think of nothing I'd like more." He said, his smile wider then it had been in many years.

"Oh I could think of one thing…" She said, looking at him through lowered lashes. Then suddenly without warning she leaned forward and placed her lips on his.

It was a simple kiss, partially because of the delicateness of the creature before him, but also in part due to his complete surprise and unpreparedness. The last time he had kissed a woman he had gotten slapped right afterwards. After a moment she pulled away from the kiss, winked at Charles and went inside.

Turning around in shock he began to walk home. The air was cold around him, the street lights buzzed above his head and he felt more alert and aware then he had in a very long time. Milly was a beautiful woman, kind and sweet. The kiss had been wonderful, but as Charles walked home there was something a miss. He tried to lie to himself and say it was nothing, but it wasn't. it was everything. No matter how wonderful and delightful Milly was she was no Elsie. He knew Elsie was the love of his life, he never questioned it, but he knew he couldn't have her. She had firmly said no, on several occasions. Charles began to wonder, could he be happy with Milly? Could she give him all the things he wanted from Elsie? He wondered if he could make himself love Milly the way he loved Elsie, he wasn't sure, but he was ready to try.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Thank you all for your kind words of support, they mean a great deal to me! A bit of a short chapter, but it falls at a nice break. As always I don't own them, and I love reviews!**

The next day Charles cautiously approached Elsie's office. The door was shut, as it had been when he had come down that morning for breakfast. It had remained shut for the entire day. At one point he had leaned his ear against the door, wondering if perhaps she was not even inside, but the tell tale scratching of pen against paper gave her away.

He needed to speak to her, and as he exhaled a long torturous breath he knew now was the time. His knock was firm and clear, despite the torrid of emotions running through him.

"Come in." called the soft voice from inside.

"Elsie, do you have a moment? There is something I would like to discuss with you." He said, tentatively stepping into the room. He didn't think he'd done anything wrong, but over the years he had learned the tell tale signs that he was in trouble and the way her arms folded across her chest the moment he stepped into the room was all the warning he needed.

"Certainly Charles, though I do have a fair amount of work to do." She said, swiveling in her chair to face him.

He sat down across from her, pulling his chair up so their knees were almost touching, she seemed uncomfortable with the gesture, but with only the desk behind her she had nowhere to escape to.

"Elsie," he said, suddenly unsure of how to begin. "You are my dearest friend, you know that don't you?" He said gazing up into her eyes, which immediately softened. No matter how unhappy she was, when he looked at her with such longing and kindness she couldn't help but soften.

"I do know, and you are my dearest friend as well." She said suddenly taking his hands.

"I know I've asked you many times, sometimes in words and sometimes in actions, if you would ever considering being more then just my friend."

"You have indeed."

"Any every time you have turned me down, and though its been difficult I do understand why."

"I'm glad." She said partially relieved they were not going to have such a discussion again, but still anxious as Charles continued speaking.

"I have accepted that we are destined to be great friends, though it has not been easy. For some reason I have always assumed the only woman I could ever love as such…um, as a woman, was you. But…"

Elsie held her breath, she feared the words about to fall from his lips.

"I find that, well perhaps I was wrong."

There was a moment of silence, as both held their breath.

"Milly." Elsie whispered softly.

"Yes, Ms. Wilson is a very kind woman." He said just as softly.

"And very beautiful." Elsie said a little louder, willing herself to play into the façade that she was unhurt by his words.

"But more then physical beauty, she makes me laugh. She makes me happy, and I have reason to believe that I make her happy."

"Well…that's….lovely." Elsie said, almost choking on the word.

"I would like to court her, properly that is. Unless you've some objection." He said, clasping her hands a little tighter. "As I said before Elsie, you are my dearest and most treasured friend, and if…if there is a reason I shouldn't court Ms. Wilson please tell me."

His heart was aching, about to break from his chest. He was begging Elsie silently to fight, to tell him that Ms. Wilson was all wrong and that he and Elsie belonged together. He prayed she would have the courage to give them both what they wanted most. He felt awful putting her in such a spot but he could see no other choice. He had a chance at happiness before him, one that would likely not present itself again, if the true object of his affection choose to remain distant he had to take a chance with Milly.

Her mind raced, silently she understood he was giving her one last chance. One last chance to do what they both dreamed of, what they both wanted.

"No," she finally said, choking on the words, her voice leaving her, "you should…court her….you should be happy Charles." She paused gazing into his eyes, tears slowly forming. "I want you to be happy."

"Alright," he said, holding back his own tears, "thank you Elsie." He said standing up from his chair still holding her hands tightly.

She looked up at him, their hands still entwined holding so tightly onto one another their knuckles had long since lost their color.

Charles pulled her hands to his lips and kissed them tenderly. "You will always be my greatest love." He said, slowly releasing her hands and leaving.

As the door closed, she put her hand to her mouth to stifle her sobs.

Charles sat in his office in a daze. He had tried, he really had. He had given her every opportunity but she was too afraid. He knew he loved her, he knew she loved him just as much, but their love couldn't exist amongst such fear. Fear was the killer of so many things. He pushed his sad thoughts aside and looked toward the future, hopefully it all might work out in the end.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Second update of the day, boy am I on a roll and I must credit it all to the wonderful reviews the story is getting! I've gotten more reviews on the last few chapters then I've ever had! Keep reading, also there will be a spoiler at the very end marked clearly in bold with a warning above it so if you wish to know how the story will end you can before deciding to continue or not. I realize I am torturing a fair number of Chelsie shippers.**

The next two months moved slowly for Elsie as she watched the man she loved court another woman.

It had begun the Sunday after their talk. He had left for church early and stopped by the bakery to speak with Milly.

Elsie had wondered how Charles would ask, and of course what Milly would say. When she saw the two of them sneak into church fifteen minutes late, both blushing fiercely she knew all she needed.

It was a slow courtship if anything, Charles would get up in the morning and have breakfast with Elsie as he always did. After working on invoices for a while he would walk over to the bakery and have lunch with Milly. He'd be back in time for dinner and work in the pub, and while Elsie had not had the heart to go into the pub in the evenings anymore she had gotten a report from the bar tender that Milly made her presence known there more often then not.

As things progressed for Charles and Milly, Elsie slowly seeped into the shadows. Charles understood it must have been difficult for her and while he had tried on many occasions to soften the blows, one day in particular he had been out on a walk around the village with Milly on his arm. He'd spotted Elsie a little ways away and had quickly and cautiously sheered them out of her sight line. That evening though she had avoided him completely, eating dinner in her office. The door once again closed to him.

For Elsie's part she was trying to take no notice of the whole thing. She'd been doing rather well until the day she saw them walking arm in arm around the village. The sun was bright out as Elsie wandered around aimlessly, enjoying the beautiful day when suddenly she spotted them. Charles was looking fondly down at Milly who was chatting away intensely, completely oblivious to the devoted look upon Charles' face. The two of them had quickly left the town square where she had spotted them and headed off towards the park. Elsie knew she shouldn't, that it would only upset her more, but she followed them anyway. Hiding behind a tree she saw them sitting on a park bench, their faces turned towards one another, both smiling like love struck puppy dogs. Then that fateful moment had happened, Milly had placed her arms onto the sides of Charles' face, just as Elsie had always longed to do, then leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. Milly must have been a good kisser, Elsie lamented to herself, as Charles pulled her into a tight embrace and pushed his lips even more firmly against hers. Elsie had left after a few moments and hurried back to the inn. She needed to make a plan, it would never work to be around him, them so much. She needed to get away. That evening she had locked her office door and instead of enjoying the nice meal that had been prepared for her she wrote to her sister, pouring her heart and soul out and begging for sanctuary.

It had taken Elsie's sister weeks to write back inviting her to come live with her in Scotland. Elsie knew it wasn't the most practical solution but it was the only one she could see. There were no other options, to stay would kill her and to leave might kill her as well but at least he wouldn't see it. He could still be happy. Elsie had vowed to herself, through all her pain she would make sure Charles was happy in the end.

The afternoon the letter had arrived Elsie had decided a trip to Ripon was in store to purchase a few goods for her trip to Scotland. As she walked down the hallway of the inn she bumped into Charles coming out of his office in his hat and coat.

"Elsie!" He said more cheerfully then he had intended, he was suddenly aware of just how long it had been since he had seen her.

"Hello Charles." She said her tone calm and measured. "Where you are off to today?" She asked.

"Well…um," he said rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Is it a secret?" She said teasing him.

"No, I'm heading to Ripon." He said clearing his throat.

"Ah, I'm heading there myself, perhaps we can travel together?" She asked, trying to act as if everything was fine between the two of them.

"That would be lovely though…well…" he said, completely unsure how to say what he needed to say.

"Charles, what is it?" Elsie asked, getting rather annoyed at his behavior.

"Its only that, traveling together would be lovely but when we arrive at Ripon I must go a separate way. I have some shopping to do that might be best to do alone." He said.

She looked at him puzzled. In all their time together there are had been few secrets between them, even fewer things they could not discuss between the two of them.

"Charles…"she said, a look of disappointment on her face.

"I'm going to go buy a ring Elsie." He said finally, ripping the band aid off quickly.

"Oh." Elsie said, taking a slight step away from him.

"Its not…I don't plan to saying anything tonight. Or even in the next few days but it is something Milly and I have discussed and I thought it might be best to go and purchase the ring, then when the time is right…well I'll have one less thing to worry about."

"Oh, I see. That seems like a very logical plan." Elsie said, taking another step backwards.

"Elsie, tell me if this is the wrong thing to do." He said stepping towards her.

"No, Charles, I…you know come to think of it I've got several invoices that really must be finished before I go out today. I think I'll just go do them now. Have a good time in Ripon." She said turning and fumbling her fingers to get her office door open and inside. She heard his footsteps coming towards her door but she had locked herself inside and slid to the ground in silent tears before he could reach her.

Guilt over came him, but anger too this time. He had tried, he had tried so many times. In so many ways. He had made his decision, Milly was a lovely woman, she was kind and caring and beautiful and thought the world of him. He might have loved Elsie more, but he couldn't spend his life in love with someone who didn't want him. Indeed that seemed a worse fate.

**A/N: Slight spoiler for the end of the story, scroll down and read if you dare…..**

_

**Dear Chelsie shippers, I am not as cruel as I make out to be. I promise you here this story will have a very happy and potentially 'M' ending for our two star crossed lovers (and Milly will die an ugly old hag!)**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: For cinnamon84 and all my other wonderful reviewers!**

Elsie avoided Charles for the next few days. She was unsure of when it would happen but she knew she didn't want any part of it. Just knowing when it would happen might have forced her to flee in the night.

One night, alone in her bed she prayed, vowing to God that if it didn't happen, if Charles and Milly didn't marry that she would banish her fear and be with him as she had always dreamed of. She'd never been a religious person, but she was ready to believe in the power of the divine if it would save her heart break.

Charles was waiting patiently for the right moment. It had to be special, he only planned to propose once in his life, it had to be perfect. A man who had spent his entire life orchestrating the perfect household, the perfect dinners, the perfect parties had to get the greatest moment of his life perfect.

It was a Tuesday morning when he snuck over to the bakery to see Milly. Elsie was in her locked office working on the accounts as usual, he had tiptoed quietly past her door not wanting to cause her any upset.

When he got to the bakery he noticed the sign said closed and the lights were out. He knocked gently on the front door, no answer. He snuck around to the back of the building and knocked on the back door, a door he'd grown rather accustomed to knocking on to retrieve her for their dates.

"Milly? Are you in there?" he said beginning to get very worried. She always told him ahead of time if she had plans to close the shop and go somewhere. It wasn't always an invitation for him, but she liked to make sure to keep him thinking of her.

The door opened to reveal a red nosed creature, dressed haphazardly in her dressing gown.

"Charles." She said, sniffling at the words, wiping her nose.

"Oh my dear!" he said with a mild chuckle at the sight. "Whatever has happened!" He asked, stepping inside. Milly lead him to her sitting room and they sat side by side one another on the settee.

"This little girl came into the shop a few days ago, when I handed her a cookie she sneezed on it and my hand!" Milly said, bordering the line of amusement and annoyance. "I washed my hands right away but alas it seems I've gotten sick regardless."

"So you wont be feeling up to the theatre this weekend?" Charles sounded a bit dejected, he had begun to plan his proposal perfectly around their night on the town.

"I doubt it Charles. I'm so sorry, I know you were looking forward to it." She reaching out her hand to his then pulling it back.

He saw her gesture and decided health be damned and took her hand.

"Its fine my dear, truly. I just want to see you well. Have you called for Dr. Clarkson yet?"

"Charles, its just a cold. It will be fine in a few days."

"If you are not better by tomorrow I insist you see the doctor. Its always a cold until it isn't and you are too precious to me." He said.

"Oh you dear sweet man. You are very precious to me too. I promise if I am not feeling better by tomorrow morning I will call Dr. Clarkson." She said smiling at the sweet man before her, feeling very luckily he was hers.

"Alright, then I shall call on you tomorrow evening." He said, he pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead and left.

"Oh Elsie!" Charles said as he rounded the corner and almost ran full into her.

"Charles, have you been out?" She said noting his coat and hat still in his arms.

"Yes, I went over to call on Ms. Wilson." He said. She carefully gauged his smile. It was not over exuberant but he also didn't look crest fallen. She concluded that the happy event had not yet occurred.

"Ah, and how is she?" Elsie asked not really caring but having nothing else to say.

"Good, she's got a bit of a cold. I told her I would call on her tomorrow to see how she is."

"Well I'm sorry to hear she is unwell. If you will excuse me I've got to place several orders today." And with that Elsie pushed by Charles and hurried on her way. He merely stood in his spot, lost in thought.

It was late the next evening when Elsie heard a great loud crash come for Charles' office. Putting down her invoices she lept to her feet and ran to his office throwing he door open and barging in.

"Charles! Are you alri…" she trailed off as she spotted him on the floor in front of his chair, an empty bottle of whiskey in his hand.

"Charles, what on earth." She said walking over to him and kneeling down in front of him.

"Its all done." He said sadly.

"What's done?" She asked, taking the bottle from him.

"My chance at happiness." He said looking up at Elsie through tearstained eyes.

"She turned you down." Elsie said quietly.

"I didn't even get to ask. She has fallen for Dr. Clarkson."

"What?" Elsie said getting angry.

"Yes, well he's younger then me, in better shape, better looking and has more money. I guess she fancies being the wife of a doctor over the wife of an innkeeper."

"Then she is a fickle creature unworthy of you!" Elsie said helping Charles to rise and sit in his chair. "You are by far the better man then Richard Clarkson. He's as dull as a board, and completely devoted to his work. I doubt he'll even turn his head at her." Elsie said.

"Well, I didn't really want her anyway." Charles said gruffly, his drunken stupor turning to a moment of crystal clarity.

"What?" Elsie said, not understand how a man who had been so besotted just a few days before could say such a thing.

"It's a bit like Christmas isn't it? I remember when I was about eight, all I wanted for Christmas was a bicycle. The way I saw it a bicycle would be the answer to all my prayers. I could sleep in later for school because the bike would get me there in fifteen minutes instead of forty. I could cut the time it took me to deliver groceries after school by half, then I'd have time to go and play with my friends. Well, I suppose to be truthful I would have had to make friends, but somehow having a bicycle to my mind would solve all my problems. Then Christmas morning came and no bicycle, I received lots of other things, candy and toys and books but somehow none of it mattered. I had completely envisioned my life around that bicycle, then I had to face the fact that the fantasy of my life would never come true, that I was stuck as I was. It was a painful lesson, though it seems I didn't really learn it. I've only fallen into the trap again, only this time instead of being a crest fallen little boy I'm a pathetic old man."

"Charles, you are not pathetic, and not old for that matter. What you're dreaming of is a lovely idea. No one wants to be alone as they grow older. And I can promise you you'll never be alone." She said taking his hands gently.

"Thank you for that." He said smiling at heart, his heart still shattered and his body exhausted from the day.

"In fact Charles", she said, looking down at their entwined hands. "I've been meaning to talk with you. I know I have pushed you away many, many times but…well…when I saw you with Milly I saw what I fool I had been. Charles there is nothing more I want then to be with you in every way a man and woman can be. You are the love of my life, and I want the world to know. I want to marry you and walk into the sunset and live happily ever after you daft, endearing man. And if Milly has been foolish enough to let you go then I beg you to let me take her place. I know I've hurt you and I'm so sorry but I want a future with you, more then anything in the world."

She looked up to see his eyes closed, lost in a wonderful dreamland, by the time she released his hands and stepped back he had begun snoring. She almost screamed in frustration. She had finally declared her love and intent and the bloody man had fallen asleep. Looking at him there, imaging the heart broken child he once was she felt nothing but pity and love for him. She took the blanket from his settee, drapped it over him, kissed his brow and left him. She would still tell him, one day, and one day soon. Once he had had time to heal. When the moment would be perfect.


	20. Chapter 20

It was midmorning before Elsie dared to knock on the door to Charles' office. She'd been pacing in front of it for several minutes, the cup of tea in her hand getting colder by the minute. Finally deciding that handing him soon to be lukewarm tea would not be the kind gesture she was intending she knocked on the door.

"Come in." called the stern voice from inside. She cautiously opened the door, closing it behind her and walking up to his desk.

"I brought you a cup of tea." She said holding it out to him. He looked up at it for a moment, his eyes were red and his face pale. He looked like death warmed up.

"I figured you might need something to get through the day." She said setting the cup in front of him.

"I don't remember much of last night…did…did I tell you?" he said taking the teacup and sipping the warm liquid. Hoping silently that the heat of it might re-energize him, might relight the warmth that had left his heart.

"Yes. I'm sorry Charles-"

"Don't!" he barked, "I don't want any sympathy. I just want to be left alone!" he said slamming the cup back down on the saucer and turning his face back to his ledgers.

"As you wish." She said in a clipped tone and promptly left.

The next few days passed in a similar fashion. Charles was moody, and irritable and at every opportunity he locked himself away in his office. Sunday morning finally came and the two sat awkwardly across from each other as they ate their breakfast. Elsie looked casually at her watch. It was about this time when Charles would normally excuse himself, run to his room to make sure his appearance was in order then leave to pick up Milly to escort her to church. Elsie let the minutes tick by wondering what was going on in his mind.

When Charles finished his meal he gently wiped his mouth, set his napkin down on the table and looked up at Elsie, meeting her eyes for what seemed like the first time in weeks.

"Mrs. Hughes, I…I know I've not been the most pleasant person to be around these past few days and that…well…I've ignored you terribly over the past few weeks but I wondered if you would give me the honor of escorting you to church, just like I used to." He said, sounding downtrodden, his face ashen with the anticipation that she would spurn him, like most women it seemed.

"Charles," she said, enjoying for a moment the simple bliss of saying his Christian name, "I would be delighted if you would escort me to church. Truth to tell I have missed you dreadfully these past weeks." He smiled at her, it was a smile with a hint of sadness to it but it was a smile, the first she had seen since that horrible evening. As she got up to get her coat and hat she thought to herself, perhaps it was just a smile, but a smile is enough to build a dream on.

The walk had been a nice one. He had offered her his arm and she had gladly taken it. She knew it would be a long road back to where they had once been but it would be worth it. And once they were balanced she would tip the scale and confess her love to him, she would push past all her fears and insecurities and they would finally be together as woman and man were meant to be. They sat near the back of the church, they had grown accustomed to sitting there, it made leaving quickly rather easy. Charles disliked all the gossip after the sermon and preferred to be back at the Grantham Arms taking stock of the previous nights profits and planning the next week.

Charles and Elsie sat chitchatting about how cold the whether had turned recently when Milly walked in, on the arm of none other then Dr. Clarkson. For his part Dr. Clarkson looked rather uncomfortable with the whole situation but Milly had a smile from ear to ear. Briefly Elsie wondered how lovely it would be to smack the smile off of Milly's face but her revenge plot was spoiled when she noticed the man next to her was holding his breath and turning bright pale. She reached out and took his hand in hers, squeezing it tightly.

"Break out Charles." She whispered in his ears. "I know we are in church but that doesn't mean it's the best time to meet your maker."

Charles breathed out slowly, his eyes following Milly and Dr. Clarkson down towards the front where they seated themselves.

"In front of the whole town. Last week she was on my arm. I look a fool Elsie." He said shaking his head, squeezing her hand back.

"No Charles, Dr. Clarkson looks the fool now. Any man with a woman as fickle and un-loyal as she is the fool. You are a very lucky man to be rid of her!" Elsie said slightly louder then she had intended.

"Elsie, I'd like to leave." He said looking into her eyes.

"If you are sure." Elsie said grabbing her purse and getting up.

"You stay if you'd like Elsie, I can go on alone."

"Charles, I promised you you'd never be alone. Now let me keep my word. Besides I've been going to church for nearly sixty years, I think I've got the gist of it by now!" And with that they got up and quietly left the church.

"I'm sorry about all that Elsie." Charles said as they walked back towards the Grantham Arms.

"Its fine Charles. I cant blame you a bit. I…I know you might not believe me but…you really are too good for her. She's a fool and you deserve so much better."

"I suppose you are right." He said nodding.

"Charles…" she said, quickly losing her nerve.

"Hm?"

"The night, well the night it ended and you came back, do you remember much after that?"

"No, not really. I remember you telling me I'd never be alone and that's the last…I didn't do or say anything stupid did I?" He said, suddenly very concerned.

"No, no you didn't." She said smiling up at him.

The weeks went by and slowly Charles Carson became his old self again. He and Elsie had begun their routine a new, sharing a glass of wine at the end of the evening before she went to bed and he went to the pub. They walked arm in arm on Sundays and even strolled around the village during the slower times. The weather was turning colder every day. Luckily the previous owner of the Grantham Arms had had electric heating put in all of the bedrooms. When Elsie retired for the night she would stop into Charles' room and turn his on before heading to her own room. She wanted it to be nice and warm for him when he finally retired for the night. Elsie always believed that the best thing for anyone was a good nights rest in a warm bed. It was with that thinking in mind that she had hatched an idea with Isobel Crawley. The Grantham Arms had slightly over a dozen rooms in it not including the staff ones, but during the winter months they rarely had more than six rented at a time. Mrs. Crawley had made the suggestion that she would pay the rent, at a reduced cost, of the unused rooms so that some of the local poor could have a warm place to live during the winter. While the broken down cottages were fine during the summer, they were no place to live during the winter. The inn was now brimming with people, most of which were single mothers struggling to survive. Elsie loved how busy it was and found that many of the guests happily helped, often sneaking into the kitchen to help cook the meals or wash the dishes, two of the oldest children living at the inn, Sadie and Rose had taken to helping with the laundry. Elsie suspected that the girls enjoyed having something to do and Elsie never hesitated to thank them for helping with a job so vital to the running of the place.

Charles had been a bit apprehensive at first, he found he wasn't exactly excited at the prospect of being surrounded by a large group of women and children but the second day a little man, no more then four years old had tottered up to Charles and asked if he could read him a story. Charles had hesitated for a brief moment before scooping the boy up on his lap and reading Peter Rabbit, making up funny voices as he went along. By the end of the story he was surrounded by children, all looking up at him adoringly like father Christmas come early. Charles felt happier at that moment than he had in a very long time, truth to tell probably not since the last time he had kissed Elsie had he felt such joy. But he gently pushed that thought aside. Instead he decided to focus on the joy in his life.

One cold night Elsie awoke with a start. Sitting up in bed she saw her breath as she breathed in and out quickly; her body in a state of shock at the cold in the room. Gingerly she got out of bed and ran over to the heater. The button said it was as hot as it would go but no heat was coming from it. Pressing the back of her hand against the metal it was clear there had not been any heat from it in a long while. Elsie grabbed her dressing gown, wrapping it tightly around her she ran to the room across the hall gently knocking on Charles door.

"Charles!" she whispered as best she could, her legs shaking with the cold of the hallway.

"Charles!" she called again, her knocking getting slightly more insistent.

"Oh Gods!" Charles muttered as he opened the door, wiping his eyes harshly, trying to awaken enough to find out what the blasted woman wanted.

"Charles the heat has gone out in my room." She said, pushing her way inside his room and running over to his heater, practically throwing herself upon it.

"What?" he said, his eyes following her, too tired to laugh at the sight of her, leaning over the heater, her whole body shaking.

"The heat isn't working. I woke up and it was so cold I could see my breath. I don't know what to do. All the rooms are full!" She said, tears beginning to form in her eyes.

"Don't fret, I will go have a look at it and get it in working order. You just get yourself warm. Get under the covers." He said, grabbing his slippers.

"I cant get into your bed Charles!" Elsie said, a look of shock at his suggestion on her face.

"I promise, I mean nothing improper but I'd imagine it's a great deal warmer under there then standing out here roasting one half of your body and freezing the other." He said, when still she did not move he walked over to her, gently putting his hands on her shoulders. "Elsie, I promise, I will not assail your virtue. But it might take me a few minutes to fix your damned heater and I'd rather see you comfortable during that time." With that she nodded quietly and ran to his bed, slipping under the covers, her dressing gown still wrapped tightly around her.

"Good girl. Now I will be back in a bit." Charles said leaving the room.

True to his word it took a while. Charles returned forty-five minutes later looking annoyed with the world.

"Any luck?" Elsie said from under the covers.

"Not one bit! The damn thing has well and truly broken." He said, taking his slippers off and moving towards the heater, trying to get his freezing hands warm again.

"Well, I've been thinking. I can go down to my office and turn the heater on in there. If I take the pillows and blankets from my bed it might be warm enough to get by for tonight." She said sitting up in the bed, the blankets still wrapped tightly around her.

"You will do no such thing. You will stay here." He said matter of factly.

"Charles, I cannot stay in your bed!" She said in shock.

"You can and you will. I will go downstairs to my office and sleep there for the night."

"No you will not." Elsie said jumping out of the bed moving to stand in front of him.

"This is ridiculous Elsie. You stay here, I will be fine downstairs."

"As would I! I will sleep downstairs and that is that."

"That is most certainly not that! I am the man, as the man I insist you will stay here where it is warm and comfortable and I will sleep downstairs. Its called chivalry Elsie, it might dying in some parts of the world but it is alive and well in this inn."

They glared at each other for a moment, silently wondering who would relent first. Elsie felt too tired and cold to fight much with Charles, but guilt over ran her at the thought of him sleeping in the cold downstairs.

"Charles, perhaps this is the silliest notion I have ever had but…can we not just share the bed."

"What!?" he said, in shock, pulling his dressing gown a little tighter around himself.

"Hear me out. We are good friends, yes? And frankly the bed is plenty big enough for two. In fact we could both sleep in it and never touch once. What do you say?"

"I…well…I mean…I suppose…" he was stuttering, clearly uncomfortable with the whole idea.

"Charles." She said softly, pleading with him.

"Alright, it's a good idea. But…well I must insist on keeping my dressing gown on." He said.

"Yes, well that would be the best. I'll keep mine on as well."

With that Elsie climbed back into the bed and scooted over to one side. Charles stood still staring at Elsie, she had just voluntarily gotten into his bed. And now she laid there, smiling happily up at him. He was certain his heart would stop beating at any moment.

"Charles, I don't bite. I promise." She said with a slight chuckle. He nodded gently and climbed into the bed next to her.

Both lay on their backs staring up at the ceiling. Charles let out a little giggle. Elsie turned her head to look at him.

"What's so funny?" she said.

"I was just thinking, I've spent a good portion of my life trying to figure out how to get a woman in my bed, the whole time all I needed to do was break the heating!"

She began to laugh, it was a terribly funny joke really but the tension of the moment had built so badly once she began laughing she really couldn't stop.

"Oh Charles!" she said, her body shaking with laughter, their heads turned towards one another enjoying the merriment of the moment.

When their laughter subsided they stayed facing one another. Charles inhaled deeply and caught the scent of Elsie on his pillow.

"My pillow smells like you." He said softly.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Do you want to trade?" she said.

"Never. It's never smelled so wonderful." She looked over at him, such a dear sweet man, she couldn't resist raising her hand and gently stroking the side of his face. He closed his eyes at her touch, reveling in the sensation of her soft palm against his rough skin.

"I loved getting into your bed tonight. It smells of you. Its felt like being wrapped up in your arms." She said, instantly regretted her words, they were too intimate. It was too much.

"Oh Elsie," he said, rolling onto his side, reaching his hand out to gently caress her arm. "My arms are always open to you." He said with more sincerity then she could have ever imagined. Without a thought she rolled her body towards him and captured his lips with her own.

Lights exploded behind his eyes as the softness of her lips pressed against his. After a moment, pushing their lips as close as they could she pulled away slightly, only to surge forward again. This time as their lips met so did their bodies. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling her body flush against his. He focused on her lips, the sweetness in them, gently teasing them open, allowing their tongues to crash together as their passion fanned into a glorious flame. Elsie gently wrapped one of her legs around his and pulled him over her. As naturally as the rising of the sun Charles rolled on top of her, pressing her softly back into the mattress. His lips left her mouth and began trailing down her neck. Her hands ran through his hair, her body pushing itself even harder against his.

Charles reached up to cup her breast; gently messaging the softness he suddenly realized what was happening. He pulled back and looked down at the beautiful creature below him.

"Elsie…" he said completely unsure what to say. He removed his hand from her breast, placing it next to her body to hold himself up, painfully aware of his arousal pressing against her belly.

"Charles, my love. Its you. Its always been you. I've been an utter fool to wait so long. When…when I thought I would lose you…I…I suddenly understood what a fool I've been. I want you Charles. All of you, in every way a woman wants a man. I love you Charles. I've loved you my whole life, I want you. I want you more then anything."

She reached up, placing her hands on both sides of his face, pulling him down for a sweet kiss.

"Oh Elsie. My love, I've been waiting so long for you to say that. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I was a fool to think I could love anyone as much as I love you. I want you so much." He said, lowering his body over hers, placing his lips firmly against hers. Enjoying the feeling of her arms clasped around him, drinking in the sweet scent of her. He felt like the greatest happiness in whole world was in his arms, and in truth, it was.

**A/N: And I'm a terrible person but I'm pausing there. Because A) its bloody late in my part of the world and B) not sure what to do next, do we want a bit of 'M'ness to see where this night leads them, or do we want to glaze over that and head for the next morning? Leave me a review and tell me what you'd like ;)**


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: The jury has spoken. Here is the 'm' as requested. If that isn't your thing you may just want to end the story now. I'm not really sure what the next few chapters might have in store for us, but once I get rolling with this stuff…well who only knows what will happen!**

He leaned forward again kissing her. His hands running up and down the sides of her body. Elsie held him firmly against her, her nails digging into his back at the sweet sensations his hands and lips were causing. As he began to trail kisses down the side of her neck she pushed her legs from under him bringing them to his sides and surging her hips forward. She felt his hard arousal against her and she knew that more than anything in the world she wanted to feel him, all of him.

She gasped slightly as one of his hands grabbed her hip to pull her hips tighter against his. Suddenly he pulled back to look down at her again.

"Elsie…" he said hesitantly, unsure how to phrase the next question. She looked up at him with such longing and such annoyance at the constant stopping and starting. She had half a mind to tape his mouth shut, though of course then she would be unable to enjoy the delights of his lips.

"What Charles…please, I need you so badly." She said, gently rolling her hips against his.

"Have you ever been with a man?" He said.

She faltered here, having not expected such a question from him.

"No Charles, I haven't."

He looked down at her, the angel beneath him he wanted more then anything, but there were rules to life. Rules he didn't want to be the first to break, so with a heavy heart he rolled off of her and resumed his previous position staring at the ceiling, praying for his arousal to die down quickly and painlessly, knowing neither would be possible.

"Charles Carson!" She yelled sitting up and turning to face him.

"I wont ruin you Elsie." He said flatly, refusing to look at her.

"God damn you Charles! God damn you! I've spent my whole life waiting for this moment and suddenly you've gone cold!" she was furious. She had laid herself beneath him only to be rejected.

"I sit next to you every week in church. I know I have sinned but you haven't. Its not as though I've never wanted to make love to you Elsie. Quiet the opposite really, but I want to wait. I want to court you, and marry you and on our wedding night I will carry you to our bed, our proper bed and make love to you."

"If I'd have said no Charles, if I'd told you I was a fallen woman would you be saying these things now."

"I'd like to think I would be."

"Charles, give me your hand." She said, calming herself down.

Hesitantly he held out his palm, she took it gracefully and laid it on her breast, the one he had ignored in favor of the other earlier. Gently she squeezed his hand around her breast, closing her eyes. Enjoying the sensation but waiting for the moment she knew was coming.

"Elsie…" he said completely breathless, his brain trying desperately to sort all the information running through it. "What is that?" he asked, terrified of her answer.

"It's a lump Charles."

"No…" he whispered. "Not again."

"I'm afraid so." She said fighting back her tears.

"How long…when did you-"

"A little over a week ago." She said, releasing his hand, which instantly fell onto the bed between them.

"And before you ask Charles, I've already been to the doctor. He took a sample to send to the lab."

"Is it…"

"Dr. Clarkson believes it may be. He said the fluid…well the fluid was much darker then the last time. He said there is a very good chance it is. We wont know for another few weeks though."

"Oh God Elsie." He said pulling her into his embrace.

"So you see Charles. While I appreciate the sentiment of waiting…we might not have the time. I…I don't know yet what will happen in the future but what I do know is that I want to live, in the here and now. I want you to make love to me Charles like the world is ending tomorrow morning. I don't know how much time I have but I don't want to waste another second of it."

With that she grabbed his head more forcefully then she had intended pulling him down for a long, lustful kiss. Running her hands down his chest, pausing for a moment when she reached his pajama trousers, then moving further south gently stroking the bulge of his arousal.

"Oh Gods," he moaned against her mouth. Once again he rolled on top of her pressing her back against the mattress, but this time his hands wandered down and began pulling the skirt of her nightgown up.

"Oh my darling Elsie. Though we may not be man and wife in the eyes of the law tonight we will be married in the eyes of God. Tonight I am making you my wife."

"Thank you Charles." She said her hands moving to his back side to caress his bottom.

"Tell me to stop if you need me too. I want you to set the pace." He said sincerely, tracing small circles around her thighs.

Bravery had taken over her and she reached down untying the knot of her knickers, pushing them down and off her shapely legs.

"Minx!" he whispered into her ear, placing sweet kisses along the lobe, biting it gently.

He wiggled out of his pajama trousers and shorts, now completely naked he went to remove her night gown.

"No," she said gently, "let me keep it on. Just for tonight, please." She pleaded.

"Of course darling. Whatever you wish." He said mildly disappointed, he'd longed to look at her bare breasts for the majority of the past twenty years. He reconciled himself with the thought that this would be their first night of many. They had the rest of their lives together.

With that thought he gently ran his fingers through her folds, making sure she was fully ready for him. He was rather surprised to find her incredibly ready for him. His head went dizzy at the sweet scent of her arousal filling the air.

"Please Charles, I know it may hurt, but it will be worth it." She said smiling at him, delighting in his touch.

"It will be worth it, I promise you that." He said smiling as he gently eased his way inside of her.

He was large, much larger then she had ever imagined a man to be. As she stretched around him a sharp pain coursed through her body and she bit her lip to stifle her cries of discomfort. Charles felt her body tense beneath him and slowed himself. Gently, ever so gently he pushed forward, inch by painful inch. Ignoring the need within him to plunge into her and pound into her again and again until he found his release. Tonight was about the two of them, the two of them making love. "Are you alright Elsie?" he asked once he was fully sheathed within her.

"Yes, just…give me a moment. Its rather painful." She said, a single tear escaping from her eyes.

"Yes, of course. Take all the time you need, tell me when you are ready." He said.

She nodded and closed her eyes, trying to concentrate on the burning between her thighs, slowly it began to ebb away.

"Slowly Charles, very slowly please." She said, her eyes still tightly closed.

Charles nodded as he pulled back slowly, then back in just as slowly as he had before. Once again her breathing hitched as she stretched in such a new and uncomfortable way. Charles took his hand and reached down between their joint bodies, placing the tip of his finger on the bundle of nerves he knew would give her pleasure.

"Charles…oh God!" she yelled as a sudden sensation of pleasure ran through her. As he began to move within her again all she could focus on was the delicious movement of his finger, stroking and rubbing. Suddenly his finger and his hips were in perfect sink, his lips were on her neck, tickling it in the most pleasing manner. Before she knew what was happening her head rolled back of its own accord, her back arched without her knowing, her legs wrapped around his torso tightly, as if she were on a might stead about to be bucked off. Then finally the lights exploded behind her eyes, she called out Charles name as her body shook from the pleasure and her breathing became erratic.

Looking down at the divine creature below him Charles couldn't help himself. It had been too long and the woman beneath him was to perfect, his body shuttered as he spilled himself within.

"Oh Elsie," he said, his face buried in her neck, his arms tightly around her, still buried deep within her. As he made to move she pulled him back to her.

"Oh Charles, a few more minutes. Stay like this for a few more minutes." She begged, tracing gentle circles across his back.

"I've never felt so wonderful Charles." She said with a smile across her face.

"Oh and neither have I, wife." He said with a smile.


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: Thank you all for your kind reviews. I'm glad you are enjoying the story. I fear updates might be getting slower and the story might be coming to an end soon. I've so much work to do (preparing for graduate school is terrifying!) and less and less time to do it. Also if anyone has any great ideas of where the story should go from here I'd love to hear them, my fountain of creativity is drying up very, very quickly. **

Charles awoke a few hours later to the feeling of a warm creature in his arms and a wayward hand on his bottom. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head and smiled contently. Being with Elsie, finally truly being with her had been wonderful. Better then he ever could have imagined, and he'd spent a good portion of the last twenty years imagining.

She murmured in her sleep and snuggled deeper into his arms. The wayward hand on his bottom suddenly grasped much firmer and Charles let out a little squeak of surprise. Elsie stirred at the noise, realizing where her hand had been she immediately let go of him, her face turning the most becoming shade of pink.

"Good morning my dear." He said softly, placing feather light kisses on her face.

"Mmmm, good morning my love." She whispered back, her hands caressing his bare chest.

"How did you sleep?" he asked.

"Better then I have in twenty years." She said with a smile, burying her head in his chest as he traced gentle patterns on her back, loving the feeling of the satin of her nightgown against his fingers.

"Hm, I wonder why that was?" he said.

She looked up at him in horror then seeing the smirk on his face slapped his chest gently.

"You are far too proud of yourself Charles." She said with a giggle.

"Well when a man spends his night making love to a beautiful woman he tends to be proud the next morning."

"Beautiful, oh Charles, you must stop saying things like that." She said admonishing him.

"But its true, Elsie," he paused gently placing his hand under her chin, tilting her head so their eyes locked. "You are the most beautiful creature on this earth, despite still wearing your nightgown. I have no idea how I was ever fortunate enough to deserve you."

"Oh Charles, I highly doubt I'm the most beautiful create on the earth, besides last night we…well…we made love. I think that would discount you as being slightly prejudice."

"I've never been called prejudice in my life!" he exclaimed.

"Ha," she snorted, "I highly doubt that!"

"Well, perhaps we ought to remove this nightgown, then I can give a more objective opinion." He said flipper her underneath him and slowly sliding down her body.

"I don't know if that's a good idea." Elsie said, suddenly very very worried.

"Oh Elsie my love," he said pausing to look up at her, taking her hand in his and bringing it to his lips. "I love you my dear, and I can promise you, seeing you, seeing all of you would make me the happiest man in England."

"But my body-"

"Is perfect."

"Charles Carson stop saying that! My body is flawed, it is wrinkly in places it wasn't twenty years ago. Things are not as…perky as they once were. I'm not the beauty I used to be."

"Elsie, you are more beautiful today then you were all those years ago when I met you. Yes, you have a few more wrinkles then before. But every time I look at your eyes and I see those wrinkles around them I think of all the laughter that has caused them. That time I thought you were burning the house down with your new toaster, or during the war when you told me to warn you if Germans were coming to Downton. Every time you laugh you get more lines but Elsie, hear me now, I would not trade a single moment listening to laugh for the smoothest skin in England."

"Oh Charles," she said, tears forming in her eyes. "You dear sweet man." She said grabbing hold of his face and pulling his lips to hers in a searing kiss. How could she ever convey to him now much she loved him? How very very dear he was to her. Well, she had one idea.

When the kiss ended she closed her eyes tightly and began to unbutton the buttons at the top of her nightgown.

"Are you sure Elsie?" he whispered, this hands running down the sides of her body towards the hem of her nightgown.

"I'm certain." She said with a nod, her eyes still tightly closed. She felt rather then saw him pull the nightgown up and over her head. Silently she listened for his reaction, pleased to hear such a dramatic intake of breath, then the feeling of kisses being placed all over her breasts. His tongue gently lapping at her nipple. God he felt good, she thought to herself. He slowly kissed his way down her stomach, she was barely conscious of where he was on her body as she gave herself over to all the delicious feelings he was inspiring in her. Then suddenly she felt him at her entrance. Her eyes shot open as she looked down at him, a smug smile on his face. Before she could utter a word he put his mouth of her entrance and all rational thought ceased to be.

A short while later, as he was laying beside her face to face, her breathing still erratic and hard she began to wonder where he had learned such wonderful things. Then thinking of his London friend she turned her mind off of that thought. It didn't matter now, none of it did. He was her's and she was his. No question.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door, one of the kitchen girls.

"Mr. Carson, you're needed downstairs. There is a Ms. Wilson here to see you and she says she wont go until see does."

A look of horror passed across Elsie's face. Oh God not her, anyone but her. They had just found each other, surely he wouldn't kick her over the traces so soon.

"Tell her I'll be down shortly." He said.

"Elsie love. Please don't be worried. Whatever she has to say will be meaningless. I love you, you and I will be together regardless of what she has to stay." He said, kissing her tenderly, hoping to dispel her doubt.

"Do you have to go down? Cant we just stay here and make love all day?" she said, hoping such an earnest appeal would sway him.

"I would like nothing more, but you know as well as I that the work doesn't end simply because we want it to. Stay here for a bit if you like, I doubt your legs would work to well at the moment anyways, I'll go down and see you there later."

He leaned over and kissed her again then got out of the bed and dressed for the day. As he left she thought quietly to herself what a lovely bottom he had, even better without his clothing. She also had a looming feeling come over her, whatever Millie wanted would not end well for Elsie.


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: So not the best chapter ever but hold in there and the story should be picking up soon! Also Go Hawks!**

Elsie had a sinking feeling in her stomach the entire time she dressed for the day. After having hastily put her nightgown back on she snuck across the hallway to her own bedroom. She was instantly awakened by the sheer cold in the room. Every breath she exhaled fluttered about her in the room for a minute before its warmth was over run by the frigid temperature. This was no place for one to undress then redress so she quickly grabbed all the garments she would need for the day and dashed back into Charles' room to change. She kept checking herself in the mirror, every things about her had to look perfect, not a hair could be out of place. If she had to fight for her man with that venomous troll she would do so looking like the picture of perfection. Elsie took a steeling breath in and headed down the stairs.

"Ms. Wilson." Charles said coming up behind her, disliking immensely the way she was looking across the pub, as though making plans for its future.

"Hello Charles." She said softly, turning to give him one of her winning smiles.

"Its Mr. Carson if you please madam." He said, fortifying himself against her charms.

"It wasn't Mr. Carson a few weeks ago." She said coyly.

"Yes, well a few weeks ago I was courting you. As you well know that had stopped completely. Now what was so urgent you refused to leave though we are clearly not open for business yet?"

"I need to speak with you Charles. Is there someplace private we can talk?"

He knew he was playing with fire. Elsie would certainly not like to find Millie and himself in his office alone but there seemed to be no choice. He would much rather risk Elsie's wrath then have any of the maids or kitchen staff know his personal business.

"Fine, we can speak in my office."

She followed him into his office, sitting down in the chair across from his desk.

"You best make this quick Ms. Wilson, I have a lot to do today."

"Oh Charles, I'm in terrible trouble." She said bursting into tears.

"What's happened?" he asked, suddenly very concerned.

"I'm with child." She said, wringing her hands in her lap.

"But we never!" Charles shouted, "We only ever kissed. You cannot accuse me of-"

"Charles, I know it wasn't you. It was someone else." She said her tears slowly beginning to dry up.

"Then tell him to take responsibility, I cant help you." He began walking towards the door, ready for Millie to take her leave.

"He wont. I need you to help me Charles. You are my only hope."

"I will not help you, Millie. Please leave." He said, his hand on the door knob.

"Charles, you love me. We can have a wonderful life together."

"No Millie we cant. I don't love you. I never did, it was all a mistake. I cant marry you."

"If you don't help me Charles you will regret it. I promise you that."

"I suggest you go to the father of your child and ask his help. There is nothing I can do for you. Now please leave."

"You will regret this Charles Carson!" She said venom pouring from her eyes as she walked out of the office.

Charles plopped down in his chair after she left trying to process what had just happened.

"What did she want?" Elsie said, she's been standing behind her own office door waiting for Millie to leave.

"Nothing." He said casually.

"Nothing, why would she come all this way for nothing?" she asked, not believing him at all.

"She just wanted some money, I told her I had nothing to loan her and she left." He said, hoping to appease her. Knowing Millie's threat would unleash the Scottish dragon.

"That's all she wanted?" Elsie asked. "Really?" she still didn't believe him fully.

"Yes, now lets not speak of her anymore." He said, reclining back in his chair and patting his lap.

Though still slightly on edge she walked around his desk and sat on his lap gently.

"Mmm, this is much better." He whispered as he nuzzled her neck. Placing gentle kisses on her neck.

"I agree my dear." Elsie said placing her hands on his chest, slipping her fingers in between the buttons of his shirt, scratching his chest lightly.

His lips trained down her neck, pushing his face into her cleavage as he placed gentle kisses to the tops of her breasts. His hand slipped under her skirts, pulling them up, caressing her thigh. She pulled his head out of her cleavage and pulled his lips to hers in a searing kiss.

"Charles," she said pulling back slightly "Charles, we have to stop."

"Never." He said, tightly gripping her thigh as her bottom ground hard against his own.

"We must Charlses. We really must, we have work to do" she said getting up from his lap and jumping out of his grasp before he could pull her back.

"I have work to do. I've got some ordering to do then after I have to change the bedding in some of the guest rooms. I will see you at luncheon, Charles. And if you are lucky and behave yourself, I might find time for an afternoon cuddle."

"Oh I shall be on my best behavior. Scouts honor." He said raising his right hand as she giggled out of the room.

Luncheon came and went and true to his word Charles was on his best behavior. His hands stayed above the table, to frightened to stray where they could not be seen.

"Mr. Carson, the bureau in room sixteen is a bit wobbly, I was wondering if you could accompany me up there this afternoon to see if you can fix it."

"Of course Ms. Hughes. I've time now if you have a minute to spare."

"Yes, now would be perfect." She said getting up and walking from the room. He followed closely behind her. As she sauntered up the stairs in front of him, he reached out gently and caressed her bottom.

Opening the door to the bedroom she walked slowly towards the bed, leaning over it slightly to smooth out the duvet. Charles could not contain himself, seeing her bent over the bed was more then he could handle. He quickly flipped the lock and pounced on her, pushing her onto the bed and catching her lips with his own.

"Oh God Elsie, its been too long!" he said, quickly working at the buttons of her dress.

"Its been six hours!" she cried, as her body gave way to the pure pleasure his lips were unleashing on her.

"That's five and three quarters longer then we should ever go without making love!" he said, pushing her skirts up and reaching for her knickers. Her hands began frantically working at his clothing, seeing how behind she was, once his shirt was off and his chest was bare before her she could no longer control her moans. There was nothing more wonderful then the feeling of their skin pressed together. Before she knew what was happening he was buried deep within her, and their hips were pressing together in a rhythm that felt natural and wonderful. A few minutes later their gasps turned to moans as they tumbled over the edge. Their arms wrapped tightly around each other, cherishing the joy they had finally found.


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: So this is the second update today (within two hours actually) so if you haven't read the previous chapter make sure you do! I'm loving all the reviews, thank you all so much!**

The evening seemed to drag for Charles. Elsie had gone to bed hours ago and the pub was busier than normal. He was convinced the universe was conspiring against him to keep him away from Elsie. All he could think about was her, her arms, the feeling of her thighs wrapped around him, her chest heavy…Oh God, he thought to himself, he would have to change his train of thought if he was to get through the night.

Finally by two am the crowd had died down enough for Charles to retire for the night. He was exhausted; more so then he had been in a very long time. But he couldn't resist the temptation of sleeping next to Elsie again. He gently knocked on her bedroom door, he didn't hear anything within, after a moment of hesitate he opened the door and walked in. He quickly undressed down to his shorts and cautiously climbed into bed next to Elsie. But to his surprise she wasn't there. Her bed was just as cold and empty as it had been the previous night when she'd been…suddenly he realized that the prize was already in his bed. He quickly grabbed his clothes, poking his head out into the hallway he looked both ways to make sure it was empty, no need to frighten anyone. He darted into his room, locking the door behind him , turning to look at the bed he felt as though the wind had been taken right out of him. Wrapped up in his bed was Elsie, completely undressed. As he placed his clothes on the chair in the corner of the room he noticed her clothes gently draped across it, even her knickers lay on the seat of the chair. His cheeks flared knowing that the woman he loved was naked in his bed. He climbed in next to her, pressing his body gently up against her, spooning her gently.

"Mmm," she purred as he put his arms around her. "I've been waiting for you love." She whispered, as his hands began to message her breasts.

"Oh my sweet love, I've been dreaming about you all day." He whispered back, giving into the passion overwhelming him.

The next few days went by much the same. Mornings functioned as they always had, though the two heads of staff were now coming to the breakfast table at the same time, which no one took much notice of, during the afternoon there always seemed to be some project in need of Charles' attention, though usually the project remained undone as Charles set about completely undoing Elsie. Every evening he went to his bed to find Elsie naked beneath the covers. They didn't make love every night, he was no longer the young man he had been for heavens sake, but he found that just laying next to her in bed was more wonderful then he ever could have dreamed of.

Sunday morning arrived and as they quietly dressed in his bedroom he couldn't help but broach the subject that had plagued his mind all week.

"Elsie my dear. There is something I would like to discuss with you."

"Of course," she said, buttoning up her dress, "can you do the last few buttons please?" she asked giving him her back. He buttoned up the back of her dress and pulled her onto his lap, holding onto her tightly he took a deep breath.

"I've been thinking, I've never been a man whose been comfortable doing things halfway."

"No you haven't." She said with a slight giggle.

"This is no exception. While these past few days with you have been wonderful, I would like the right to bed. I would like to court you and marry you. Actually if I'm honest I would like to marry you but if you would prefer I would happily court you for a while to convince you to marry this old fool."

"Oh Charles, I would love to marry you. You really needn't worry about courting me, for goodness sake it feels as though we've been courting for the past twenty years!" she said, placing a week kiss on his lips.

"Shall I speak with the reverend after church to see about having the banns read?"

"Charles, perhaps we should wait a short while," she said, noticing how quickly his face fell, "its not that I don't want to marry you. I do, and sooner rather then later. But lets be realistic, just a few weeks ago you were courting another woman. It might look a bit strange to suddenly be marrying someone else. Lets wait a few weeks then we can make an official announcement without any awkwardness. Besides no one needs to know I'm not sleeping in my bed." She said, growling at him slightly and capturing his lips in a searing kiss.

"You may be right." He said slightly dejected.

"Of course I'm right, you really must learn that if this marriage is to work." She said pecking his lips one more time before getting off of his lap.

"We'd best be getting downstairs," she said tugging at his lapels "we've not much time for breakfast before church. If that stomach of yours rumbles during the sermon the dowager is likely to think the henchmen of the apocalypse have arrived." At that they both burst into laughter as they headed down to breakfast.

At church, as normal they sat side by side halfway down the pew.

"I wonder where Mrs. Patmore is," Elsie whispered softly to Charles, having noted the cook missing from her usual spot next to Charles.

"Perhaps we should phone the Abbey after church and make sure she is alright." He said.

"That would be kind, she said she was feeling a big under the weather when I spoke to her the other day." Elsie said concerned, it seemed as Mrs. Patmore got older illness hit her much harder then it used to.

"I hope she is okay, if she's not cannot go to visit her."

"Why can't I visit her?" Elsie said annoyed by Charles assumption at telling her what to do.

"Elsie, until we received the results of your…um…your test, I believe it would be best to keep you away from those we know are ill. I've seen far too many people with cancer felled by a cold." He whispered, gently taking her hand and squeezing it.

Suddenly Millie sat down next to Charles.

"Good morning Charles." She said in a sultry voice, a beaming smile at him. Elsie glared across Charles at her foe, hoping she might simply burst into flames.

"Good morning Ms. Wilson, and I believe I requested that you call me Mr. Carson." He said sternly. She only giggled at him, turning her attention to the sermon as it began.

It was a long awkward sermon sitting between the two women. Charles was fairly certain that had he not been sitting there the two women would have been rolling around on the floor fighting. He'd always thought it would be enjoyable to have two women vie for his affection but he found that in reality it only gave him a sinking feeling in his stomach.

As the sermon came to an end Charles began to relax, it was almost over.

"And now perish announcements," Reverend Lynch said, "I hereby publish the banns of marriage for Charles Carson and Millie Wilson."

Charles' eyes went wide, Elsie's mouth dropped and Millie smiled proudly as the entire congregation looked at the trio in shock.


	25. Chapter 25

"Oh Charles." Elsie whispered softly looking down at the ground, fighting back tears.

"You horrible woman." Charles said quietly to Millie as the congregation began to disperse. "I don't know how you managed that but I will fix it here and now." He said getting up and making his way to the reverend. He was stopped several times by eager handshakes, which, try as he might, he could not completely ignore. Millie followed closely behind him, smiling the entire way.

When Charles finally reached the front of the church Lord Grantham was talking to the reverend.

"I don't mean to interrupt Reverend but there has been a grievous error. I am not planning on marrying Ms. Wilson, and I'm thoroughly upset that you would make such an announcement without consulting me."

"Well," stuttered the reverend, "I spoke with Ms. Wilson, then Lord Grantham informed me as well that the two of you were to be married. Ms. Wilson seemed in rather eager I should make the announcement as soon as possible."

"What! M'lord?" Charles said turning to Lord Grantham.

"May I speak with you for a moment Carson." Lord Grantham asked, Charles politely nodded and they two men walked over to the corner.

"I had asked Ms. Wilson to discuss this matter with you but it appears she did not. I presume you know that she is in trouble."

"How do you know that my lord?" Charles asked, horribly confused as why Lord Grantham would have an interest in the local baker. Then realization dawned upon him. "Lord Grantham, surely not-"

"No!" Lord Grantham said, angry at the conclusion that had been made, "of course not Carson. I love my wife and would never do such a thing. But I must confess the accursed deed took place under my roof. Lord Allen was visiting us a few months ago. It seemed he had gotten a young woman in London in trouble and needed somewhere to be away from the limelight for a bit. His wife and children were with him so I assumed he would stay out of trouble. Unfortunately Cora had the wonderful idea to have Ms. Wilson prepare a fancy dessert for them as a treat, well it seems Lord Allen took a fancy to Ms. Wilson and now…well now once again I must deal with it."

"Why can't Lord Allen deal with it himself? Surely he can offer Ms. Wilson more help then I can." Charles said, grasping at anything to be free of the woman.

"Lord Allen is an insufferable man more attuned at causing trouble then doing anything remotely responsible. Besides if this were to get out it would shame both Lord Allen and his family but mine as well. I housed a man no better then a common rake, I am just as much responsible for his behavior as anyone else. I ordered all the maids to be watched closely but somehow…well somehow I let something slip past me. When Ms. Wilson came to me she told me that you had courted her and that she had wanted to marry you but was afraid you were unsure of marrying so late in life. I told her you'd always been splendid with children and had mentioned before you left your wish to marry and enjoy retired life."

"I did say that sir, however if you recall I had made it clear I wanted to make the decision."

"Do not be pert with me Carson. I understand this is a bit of a shock but I'm sure it will all turn out. Fatherhood is a wonderful thing."

"That it may be, however I have no desire to be a father, at least not at this point in my life. I'm tired sir, I enjoy sleeping in in the morning, I like my afternoon naps. I watched your children grow and it was lovely, and sir if I were twenty years younger I would not let this opportunity pass me by but I'm afraid at this point in my life I must. I also…" he trailed off.

"Yes?" Lord Grantham asked in a chirped tone.

"I've fallen in love." Charles said sheepishly.

"See, then the two of you can be happy together."

"No, not with Ms. Wilson."

"What!? You were courting her only a few weeks ago, surely you cannot be that fickle Carson."

"I am not fickle sir, the woman I love now has been the same woman I have been in love with for twenty years. Elsie, Ms. Hughes that is has had my heart all these years though she has never been interested in a romantic relationship and I discouraged such thing while still under your employ. When we retired I asked her if she would allow me to court her and she said no. Then Ms. Wilson showed up as was very kind and well…I suppose I thought that if I couldn't have the woman I wanted then I would settle for the next best thing. It was until she kicked me aside for Dr. Clarkson that Ms. Hughes came to her senses and we have been quietly courting. I have asked her to marry me and she has agreed. We were going to wait a while to publish the banns, so you see sir I cannot marry Ms. Wilson." Charles said.

"Well that is rather a spot but…I'm sorry Carson you must marry Ms. Wilson, or if you cannot, convince her to leave quietly. I will be happy to give her some money but this matter must be resolved in some manor. My family and Lord Allens will face ruin."

"M'lord, would you really make me choose between the family I have so faithfully served and my own happiness?"

"It gives me no pleasure to do so but I must."

"Then you are not the man I thought you were, sir." Charles said, standing tall, his chest puffed out, desperately hoping to steel himself until he got home.

"You sir should remember I am your landlord, and I can kick you out onto the streets at a moments notice. Fix this Carson, in any way you must. I will not allow that woman to ruin the lives on many over ruining the life of one. Besides, she's rather a pretty woman and a good baker, you might find you enjoy life with her."

And with that Lord Grantham walked past Charles. Charles stood stunned for a moment when Millie came waltzing up beside him.

"Hello future husband." She said sweetly taking his arm.

"You will not get away with this." Charles said, pulling his arm away from her and walking towards the exit looking for Elsie. Surely she would be upset at this development, he had to tell her the truth and convince her it would all be okay. But as he got to their seats he saw she was gone, he made it outside just in time to see her running into the inn, her hands over her face.

**A/N: Sorry for the delay, I've really no excuse except life gets in the way sometime. I don't really think Lord Grantham would be as cruel here as I have made him but alas it is needed to keep things moving!**


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